Craft Show this weekend!

Hello all! Cindy and I are doing a 3 day craft show this weekend at the Show and Tell Craft Mall here in Vegas. If you are in town stop by and say hello! The site is http://showandtellcraftersmarket.blogspot.com/

Our first day was today and we had loads of fun so far. We meet a lot of really cool people with the same style that we have. Hopefully we can put together some classes and maybe even a group for everyone around this area (and beyond too!). Here are some pictures of my table,


Here are some closer pictures of the memory keeper necklaces I had made with vintage sterling silver salt and pepper shakers. The Honduras Cigar box was such a fun find for me (I am half Honduran),


This one is my favorite. I just love the colors.
Here are some pictures of my charms which I made with vintage european postcards,

Here is Cindy's Table, I just love her flowers!


We have another 2 days at the show so come by and visit!

Back from Arizona

I am back from my fun trip to Arizona to take the Mingled Elements class from DJ Pettitt and Deryn Mentock. It was so fun and who knew I could actually paint! You see not that long ago Cindy and I went to a local ATC Card meeting at the Michael's by her house. I desperately tried to listen to the girl who was teaching and follow her direction but my piece came out looking like the "Bride of Frankenstein" Well of course I didn't want to put my name on it, so I put Cindy's! It has never made it's debut mainly because my camera skills are a little lacking but now it is being held just out of amusement. I remind Cindy about her every once in a while! Well with that being said you will see why I was so shocked when my painting came out nice. DJ is the most amazing teacher ever! Trust me on that one! Here is a picture of my painting before the wire frame work was started:


Cindy even signed her first autograph! I asked her to sign my magazine but she never did....LOL

While there we went to the trunk show and purchased the most beautiful things. I bought a pair of earrings and a GORGEOUS necklace from Deryn. It was a little more than what I usually spend but it was so wonderful that I just couldn't help myself. I actually called my husband twice and drove Cindy (and everyone around me!)nuts until I was finally brave enough to buy it. I am a notorious cheapskate! As you all know my camera skills are not the best so this next picture shows me wearing it. On my left is DJ (our wonderful painting teacher) and on the right is Deryn (our extremely talented jewelry/wire teacher).

It was so much fun to meet up with old friends like Rena (from my Art Nest trip) and to meet so many new ones.
Here are the hilarious duo, Maija http://maigirlz.typepad.com/ and Tanya http://www.fannyfarkle1.typepad.com/ (sorry, having problems linking tonight!)

Also, the lovely Rena,

Cindy and I have also decided to try to sell at a local craft show that will be taking place July 25th thru the 27th. We still have to submit pictures of our art and send in the application so I will not post any details just yet but as soon as we get in, I will put up all the info. If I am going to get into the show I better go and start making some jewelry, and of course the Mr. is going to need lunch for tomorrow. I hope you all had a great weekend :)

I'm off to Arizona!

I am off to Arizona tomorrow with Cindy to go to DJ Pettitt and Deryn Mentock's Mingled elements classes in Tempe. I am so excited!!!
I would also like to wish my wonderful husband a Happy Birthday, here are pictures from our little "party" tonight.


Happy 31st Birthday Mike!!!

Bono has his own blog!

Here is Bono's own blog.... http://blogbybono.blogspot.com/

I am a little sad that he has his own now, hopefully he will make cameo appearances on here every once in a while. We all decided that since this was an art blog we had better get serious and try to build our art business. We will be going over some of the old posts and picking out the funniest ones to post to the new blog, so if you have a favorite let me know!

I have a goal

In Ceasars Palace forum shops there is a store that sells purses, jewlery etc. I always go in there to see what jewelry they have at the time because they always have handmade jewelry usually by local artists. Every time I go in there I always leave so mad because with just one look of what is in there it is so basic and usually not done very well in my opinion, granted that might just be because I know what I am looking for when I look at how things are made. I get frustrated every time because that could be me! One day it will be me, that is my goal. I try to remind myself that yes it will be me someday but I need to actually make some first! I have a few more techniques to perfect but one day that will be me!!!

Bono's Blog...How Jenny Got Her Blog Back!

Hey everyone. As you can see by my title my Mama took her blog back. She started creating again. She said I could keep blogging here but I'm a little torn now that she is posting art again. She even has some sort of sales thing going on, this site now seems somewhat professional. Those of you that have read my previous blogs know that I'm anything but professional. It's been odd lately, we've seem to have some visitors to this site that we usually don't get. I'm guessing they come here looking for art and art related things. But what they mostly get is some cat talking about drinking and gambling. Those are the tame parts. Let's not forget I've touched on the subjects of farting, getting a thermometer in the rear end and masturbation, just to name a few. I'm thinking of starting my own blog. I'd like a little feed back from my huge following of readers. I almost need two paws to count you now. I'm a little worried about doing it because this site is a one stop shop for fans of both Myself and my Mama. Also, I'm really lazy and task of starting a new blog seems really daunting right now. Also my Mama's starts and stops with this whole art thing and she could decide to go months without posting again. On the other hand, if I had a completely separate blog there are some things that I can do that wouldn't really work here that I would like to try. So let me know what you think I should do.......I do want to touch on a few things from the past week. My Mama went and played miniature golf. Without Me!! I can't believe this. I love miniature golf. I even have my own putter. It has my monogram on it. It's monogram right? Or is it monograph? Anyway, she went to Angel Park, my favorite course. I don't get out there much because Carty got banned. One time we were out there, we had a to few many and he got into a scrum with a cotton tail rabbit on the 16th tee box. He had to be escorted out of the facility. My Dad does not take us anymore because my Mama kept putting his $3 a piece Nike balls into the pond filled with what is apparently toxic waste because there are bunch of signs telling you not to touch the water. You don't have to tell me twice. Me and my Mama are both notorious germaphobes. My paws must be clean at all times. This is also why we don't go bowling. My Mama can't handle putting on shoes that have been worn by a couple hundred other people. I'm not big of it either. On top of that they never have my size. And I always have to pay for a 2nd pair because I like to have a shoe on my 3rd paw as I trot up roll the ball. The shoes are always funky colors too. They clash with my black and white fur. Why do they make the shoes so ugly? I feel ridiculous enough just being at a bowling ally. My Dad and Carty like bowling. But I'm pretty sure they're in just for the beer and nachos.....On final thing. I wanted to share some pictures of me telling ghost stories. Here they are.



Why were we telling ghost stories? You got me. I've been wondering the same thing. My Mama thought it was a great time for some photos. We each told one story. Carty's really sucked, we didn't even see how it ended. We just took the flash light away from him. My Dad told a really scary one. Me, My Mama and Carty had to hide under the blankets. Then Carty farted(Carty farts when he get nervous) so we had to scurry away. That was the scariest part of the night.

Finally Finished!

It is finally done! I know I haven't actually made any jewelry in a while but this necklace seemed to take forever! I did learn a few things while doing it though so it was good to take my time. I made my very first clasp with annealed steal and figured out how to do my ribbon links too. When I showed my husband the finished product, he asked, "Is it supposed to look like that?". I really have been struggling to be unique. I used to make jewelry non-stop but then one day I just stopped because I felt that everything I was doing was so plain and predictable. Then Cindy Dean introduced my to Mixed-Media art and jewelry and the transition in my style started. So I guess I am actually happy to get that response from him, that means I must be doing something right! Anyway, here is the necklace and I made some simple earrings to match.

I hope you all have a great weekend :)

Progress

Here is what i have done so far. I am about half done but it is finally starting to take shape. Hope you like it! I will be listing this on my Etsy shop as soon as it is done.

Finally some art around here!

I am finally in the mood to create! Cindy and i went shopping this weekend to a few jewelry and bead shows that were in town. It was so fun just being around jewels and stones again. Of course the main show we went to was WAY out of our league but we had fun looking at all of the tiaras and very large assortment of diamonds. It was very inspiring! I bought some stone beads and and a couple vintage pieces. One of them is a sterling silver filigree pendant from the late 1930s. That is the piece i am working on tonight so you will have to stay tuned. Oh by the way, Cindy designed and "installed" this business card for me, isn't great??!!?! LOL...it makes me look like a cool artist! I am offically no longer the artist that doesn't make any art!

Bono's Blog 5/23

My family has been working on another hair brain scheme. We'll most of My family. Me included. Of course its not working. Over the last couple weeks my Mom, Dad and I decided we were going to cut back on some of our vices. My Mom and Dad made a pact to eat less. Me and my Dad made pact to cut back on booze and gambling. Carty on the other hand he is going to have nothing to do with this. In fact he went in the other direction entirely. He decided he was going to kick things up a notch. Needless to say Carty is the only one having any success. 1st of all last week my Mom and Dad came home with a load of groceries. Including Klondike bars and some other chocolate covered oatmeal cookie ice cream sandwiches that I can't even describe how good they are. The this weekend they brought home a gigantic package of pork ribs to grill for the long weekend. Apparently they got it for a great price because they were really excited about it. They had planned on cutting back on eating, now they are high fiveing over meat. Obviously the plan is not going well. The deals I have with my Dad are not going well either. Last Saturday we couldn't resist the lure of the Preakness. We won, but gambled none the less. I have 2 months allowance bet on the Lakers winning the NBA title. And get this, Myself, Mom and Dad killed 2 pitchers of margaritas last Saturday night while watching Juno. Yes, My Mama was knocking down margaritas like nobody's business. This morning I drank half a bottle of white zin while watching the Price is Right. I'm drinking the other half as I'm typing this. On the topic of drinking on a weekday morning. I got to tell you, you have to give it a try. There is something about the extra sinfulness of it that makes it better. I think we have all indulged like this someway. Why are the bad things the most fun? As mentioned earlier, Carty is not cutting back on any of his vices. The vet told him he needs to loose weight. Since then he's been eating like a maniac. He claims life is too short to cut back on things. He's really trying to prove a point. None of us are really sure what the point is but his determination is impressive. I haven't seen him go after anything like this since he decided he was going to watch all seven Police Academy movies. He accomplished it. He even threw in Police Academy Girls on Skinemax for good measure. Since we went to the vet he has been trying to pickup on every female that comes with in earshot. It's been amazing. He says he needs to get all he can before he gets so fat that he has no chance at all. For the first time I can remember I think I admire Carty. If nothing else at least he has the ability to be honest with himself.

Bono's Blog 5/15

I'm glad everyone took so much joy out of my misery last week. Thank you. Yes, my ass is felling significantly better. To address Rochelle's comments, no I won't do stand up comedy at your wedding. I will do sit down comedy though. I think standing up is sooooo cliche. I'll even do it for free. I do have list of conditions though. These all are non-negotiable. I want my own trailer. And I want anybody that wants to meet me to have a special credential that they have to wear around their necks to get to my trailer for a meet and greet session. I love those neck credential things. I've always wanted to have to wear one of those. This is also a way to keep any crazy relatives away from me. Don't tell me you don't have any. Every wedding has them. The cousin that is just out of jail. The aunt with no teeth. The belligerent alcoholic uncle. The slutty niece. Keep them away from me. I watched the video of my Mom and Dad's wedding a few weeks back. The majority of the people there were freakin nuts. I couldn't believe what I was adopted into. I almost drove my self back to Petsmart. Well back to my list. I want a VIP table for Me, my Mama and our closest friends. We must have two personal waitresses. They have to be hot of course. With natural breast. I'm not into the silicon thing. In fact I'm not really into human chicks at all. But female cats make really crappy waitresses. If there is a good game on that day I'll need a plasma screen at my table as well. An open bar is a must. It has to be stocked with the good stuff two. I'm partial to Gray Goose and Patron. If I see a bottle of Smirnoff anywhere near my vodka tonic, I'll walk. If the Chicken Dance is performed, I'm out of there. I do insist that the Macarena is played, at least twice. One of my biggest disappointments in life is that I was born after the Macarena craze. God, I would have loved to be around for that. Next, Clint Holmes must open for Me. I love that guy. Vegas just hasn't been the same since he left. The housing market in this city went to hell after he left Harrah's. I don't think that's a coincidence. Speaking of Vegas acts. I'm disappointed that the Amazing Johnathan is still around. The only thing amazing about that guy is that people pay to watch him pretend to cut off his fingers. Sorry, I strayed again. Ok my final condition is that when I'm nicely buzzed I get to give a slightly inappropriate but yet sentimental and endearing toast. You know. One of those where everybody is kind of looking at each other at first. Asking who the hell let this guy grab the microphone? But by the end they have a tear in their eye and it gets a big ovation. I've always wanted to give a toast like that. So there are my conditions. Let me know when and where.

Bono's Blog. It's been a rough week.

Hi everyone. It been a rough week for me. First of all, to address Cindy's comments on my last blog, no Absolutely Cindy did not win. She did make a little run in the race to make it a little exciting though. Yes, I have been mourning Eight Bells. I'm not sure if it's good or bad to be an animal in this Country. On one hand the death of a single horse got more news coverage than the death of 100,000 people. I'm just as guilty of not paying much attention to it. I'm not quite sure where those people died either, but I heard a little something about it. But then again I'm a cat. What I also want to know is why are the people that are so outraged over the death of Eight Bells, not outraged over the tens of thousands of cats that a euthanized every year? I'm yet to see a news report on that. In my last blog I already addressed some of the hypocrisy in regards to the criticisms of horse racing. Going back and reading it, my comments now seem eerily prophetic. I wish it wasn't so. It completely ruined our Derby weekend. It also kind or ruins the rest of the Triple Crown because we'll have to watch the races holding are breath hoping something like this does not happen again. It's hard to get excited about that. I don't want to sound dismissive of the problems of horse racing. It certainly has them. But this is just another example of misplaced priorities in our Country. On that same note I had no idea that PETA was such a shameful organization. I figured that an organization that's called People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals was a good organization. I found out this week that they are basically an organization that is after self promotion and grandstanding. It turns out that they are one of the leading killers of cats and dogs in this Country. According to the Virginia Dept. of Agriculture they killed %97 of the animals they "rescued" at their "shelter" in that State. If you want to donate to a charitable organization regarding animals, don't donate to them. Give to the ASPCA instead.......So this started my week bad enough. It got worse today. I'll start from the beginning. A few weeks ago the reminder from my vet that Me and Carty are due for our booster shots went up on the fridge. My Mom and Dad keep our appointment date secret because they correctly assume that I will go into hiding that day. The reminder stayed ominously posted there for us to see everyday. I'm not sure if it is some sort of mental torture that they are trying to pull off, but it is not very nice. I tried disguising my voice as my Dad's a couple times and tried calling the vet's office to confirm my appointment date to find out when it was. But the stupid receptionist caught me. I called and asked when my appointment was and she would simply say "I know it's you Bono, stop calling" click. Well this morning, it turned out to finally be the day. I went in without much of a fight. I figured I just better get it over with. A trip to the vet is never good. But this one was worse than usual. When we first went in me and the receptionist exchanged glares. Then the vet was not there till later in the AM so my Mama could not stay with us during our shots, which really sucks. When the vet finally got there we got our check up. They take our temperature with a rectal thermometer. Can anybody explain why there has been no significant advancement in taking a cats temperature? If PETA really cared about animals they would be addressing this. They just grab me and stick a thermometer in my ass! No warning, nothing! They should at least talk dirty to me or something. Get me prepared somehow. We'll after that I got a shot of Benadryl. I had an allergic reaction when I was a baby. I don't remember the incident but it gave my Mama quite a scare. So now before all my vaccinations I get an extra shot. Goody for me! Then they put Me in the lovely holding pen for a while before my vaccinations. I guess they want me to think about it for a while. Then I finally get my shots. Shots, plural. I thought I was just getting one. It turns out that I was do for another one. Wooh hoo!! I'm almost positive that freakin receptionist convinced the vet to give me an extra meaningless shot to get back at me. After our shots they put Me and Carty into a cage. You people call them kennels. But let's be honest ok. Is a damn cage. It could be worse. Our vet's office is cats only. Let me take you back to our vet in Albuquerque. In a similar situation we were also in a room with caged up dogs. Once there was a big ole' pincher that would just keep barking. Endless, woof, woof, woof. Loud as can be. Carty and two other cats that we knew from the neighborhood were plotting a way to shank him if they got a chance. Prison style. Fortunately the three of them had the combined IQ of 4 and nothing happened. But I have to admit, I think I would have been ok with it. Ok, back to today. I'm in a cage with Carty. Next to us is some other cat that Carty decides to have an endless conversation with. Every topic under the sun. The election, hockey, chicks, nip, litter, the subprime mortgage crisis. Basically a bunch of stuff neither one of them knew a damn thing about. Then in the cage on the other side of us they put a cute Siamese named GiGi from Spring Valley. She was in for a urinary track infection and you can tell wanted nothing to do with anybody. So naturally Carty hits on her. Three different times!! Through all this I was just trying to get some sleep to make the day go faster till my Mom picked us up. But with all this going on it never happened. When my Mama showed up I asked the vet if I could have a few beers when I get home. She said no. I can't have beer with my vaccinations. I had been looking forward all day to having a few beers and watching the Lakers game. Just another bad break. So now I'm here, sober with a sore ass. So that was my week. Oh, I forgot. The handle on our carrier broke and we were dropped in our carrier. Twice.


P.S. Happy Mothers Day. Bon.

Bono's Derby Picks and other people's too.

The first Saturday in May is a big day in our household. Well except for my Mom. It's Kentucky Derby Day! I know none of you care, but I'm going to blog about it anyway. I'm not even going to try to explain why it's a big deal. If you don't get you just don't get it. It's kind of like the guys not being able to pee in the toilet/litter thing from my last blog. Horse racing used to be the most popular sport in this Country. Those days are long past but Myself, my Dad and Carty are pretty into it. A lot of people find people or cats betting on horses running in circles as mindless and shallow. They can think what they want but I don't find it anymore shallow than blowing money on a overpriced purse, a 60th pair of shoes or some other article of clothing that will go to waste in a closet. A couple years ago I paid money to watch a Keanu Reeves movie. I would have much better lost that money on a horse race. That's an $11.50 and 2 hours of my life I will never get back. Come to think of it I would have rather lost that money down a gutter. So that might not be the best example, but you get my point. And for those of you who think racing the horses might be cruel you probably own a whole bunch of stuff made out of cow skin. You know thay had to kill them 1st right? They don't wait for them to die from old age. Anyway, I wanted to touch on something before I make my picks. There are lots of methods to betting horses. My Dad and Carty are very analytical. They gather information and make choices based on that information. I do a little of that two, but I basically make my bets by gut feeling. I'm also a big believer in fate. I think everything happens for a reason. Not always a good reason, but a reason none the less. Yesterday I was looking at the horses entered in the Kentucky Oaks. The Oaks is kind of like the Kentucky Derby for girls. They run it the Friday before the Derby. The number 2 horse in the race is name Absolutely Cindy. I bring this up because Cindy Dean is one of my few loyal readers. I also thought it was cool because it was spelled correctly. One of my peeves is when people try to get too creative with name spelling these days. It's common to see Cindy spelled Sindy, Syndee. I guess parents think there cool if they needlessly change the spelling of their children's name. Like it's hard to do. I'm waiting to see names like Genahpher, Mykheal or Baughknow. We'll back to my story....Last week my Mama took Cindy on a "Food Adventure". Which meant eating in an exotic place like Chinatown in Vegas. What an adventure!! I thought seeing this horse's name might be fate. So I suggested to my Mama to have Cindy take a financial adventure and put a few bucks on Absolutely Cindy. Then my Mama told me that I should bet it for her. Which I'll do. I'm starting to think that big reason in this thing is for me to lose another horse race, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm putting $10 on her nose for you Cindy. She is a longshot so it will pay a pretty penny if she wins. If you win you have to donate some of it to the The New Scatching Post for Baughknow Fund. It's a great charitable organization.....Here is the field for the Derby.

1 1/4 Miles | Open | 3 Year Olds Stakes | Purse: $2,000,000

Prg. #
1 Cool Coal Man
2 Tale of Ekati
3 Anak Nakal
4 Court Vision
5 Eight Belles(F)
6 Z Fortune
7 Big Truck
8 Visionaire
9 Pyro
10 Colonel John
11 Z Humor
12 Smooth Air
13 Bob Black Jack
14 Monba
15 Adriano
16 Denis of Cork
17 Cowboy Cal
18 Recapturetheglory
19 Gayego
20 Big Brown

I mentioned before that the Kentucky Oaks is for girls, well the really good ones can run in the Derby. The horse with the (F) next to her name, Eight Belles, that means she is a Fillie and a good one, so she is running in the Derby.....Like I said I kind of pick from my gut so here are my top 4 picks, most of all I hope all the horses make it through safely.

1. Adriano
2. Big Brown
3. Eight Belles
4. Pyro

My Mama picked Tale of Ekati. The Ekati part of the name is from the name of a diamond mine in Canada. That's why she picked him.....here are Carty's and my Dad's picks. I don't know why they can't get their own blog. I stole this blog fair and square. But I'll be nice and put there picks on here.

Carty
1. Big Brown
2. Recapturetheglory
3. Gayego
4. Pyro

Dad
1. Colonel John
2. Big Brown
3. Z Fortune
4. Pyro

Good luck if you bet the race....Bon.

Bono's Blog 4/24

For the third time in the last week I've been surprised by people being surprised by animals acting like, well animals. If you remember a week ago a giant grizzly bear attacked his trainer. At the end of the week a shark attacked a swimmer in you would not believe where...that's right the ocean! People seem to be surprised by that. And finally my brother took whiz on the floor next to his litter. In each of these cases all parties involved seem genuinely surprised when it happened. First of all, is there really a need to train a big ole freaking grizzly? The bear recently appeared in Will Farrel's latest movie. You know, the one that is just like the prior twelve movies he made. Apparently this bear was quite the actor, so you humans felt the need to keep him caged up till his next project came along. How many rolls can there possibly be in Hollywood for grizzly bears? Was he reviewing scrips and working with his agent on picking his next roll? I guess now that he killed his trainer they are considering euthanizing him. So there going to end Brando's career just as it's getting on track? That's a great idea. Kill the poor guy for behaving like exactly what he is. In an article I was reading about the incident, it said they were going to decide what to do with the bear after an investigation. What exactly is there to investigate? Do they think their might have been a second bear that framed the accused bear so he can pickup all his movie roles? I think they should check him into a rehab facility like all the other Hollywood actors......On our second incident there was a shark attack off the coast of San Diego. Judging by the news coverage it got, you would have thought this was the first in a wave coordinated attacks by sharks across the nation. I hear when President Bush heard about it, he gave a blank stare for seven minutes before deciding(based on the always sound advice of Dick Cheany) on sending in thousands of no bid contractors in to the Atlantic Ocean to get the shark. They'll be looking for him as long as it takes. On our tax dollar of course. Stay the course! Hillary said she came under attack by the shark also. Then later said she really wasn't. She was tired and miss remembered the whole thing(Bono's Blog "Fair and Balanced"). It was the lead story on every news web site. The water was very clear that day and helicopters were able to track the shark by air. It was like the O.J. chase. He even had a buddy swimming along with him. No, it was not Al Cowlings. A number of reports called the attack "unprovoked". I'm no oceanographer but I'm almost positive you don't need to talk shit to a Great White Shark for him to attack your ass. These guys are the bad asses of the sea. They do pretty much what they want, provoked or not......And finally, my Mama was shocked because on Friday, for the second time in a week and a half Carty missed the litter and took a piss on the floor. Not sure why she was surprised. She cleans the toilet Dad takes a leak in. It's not like he's a master marksman. Now Carty catches flack getting a little on floor. I bash Carty quite a bit on this blog but I have to defend him here. Where is the equity? Also, if you don't have a penis you just don't understand. They can be tricky suckers at times. There are allot of factors that could cause you to miss. You could be tired, drunk, have morning wood or some sort of combination of the previous mentioned items. We need to give Carty a break this time....That's all for now. Tune in later in the week for my Kentucky Derby picks.

Bono's Blog 4/21

Wow, it's almost been a month since I blogged? That can't be right. But I have been having my anger issues again so it probably has been that long. I've decided to get back to the original point of my blog, which is a way for me to channel my angst and anger. So I'm just going to let out. Here are a few of things that really piss me off, that I feel I need to get off my chest.....

Writer's block. Don't you hate it? This used to happen to me all the time in my English 101 class at CCSN. I usually overcame it by trying to work some sort of silly list in to whatever I was writing. But I'm a much better writter now and I don't do it anymore. But for some reason it still pisses me off.....I bit my cheek the other day. Man that freakin hurts. Then it swells up a little and you keep biting it for like a week. That pisses me off.......Fat guys that make rude comments about fat women. That pisses me off. I hear it all the time. It never seems to dawn on them they should drop a couple tons themselves before they start making comments. If you have bigger tits than %80 of all women you should probably keep your mouth shut.....On long road trips when you are out in the middle of no where the only radio station that comes in is the Spanish station. Why is that? It pisses me off. I remember experiencing this when we drove from Albuquerque to Vegas. My mom's car at the time did not have a CD player. It was 2004, things were different back then. Driving through rural Arizona, no English stations came in but Los Tigres Del Norte were jamming loud and clear. NASA screws around with a remote control car on Mars but I can get a decent radio station in Winslow?.......People that have a secret recipe or a secret ingredient in a recipe. This pisses me off. You see this all the time on the Food Network. They go into some factory where they make frozen corn dogs and some jack-ass with a hair net on says there is one ingredient that they can't divulge. God forbid one of there competitors gets a hold of it and they lose their strangle hold on the lucrative frozen corn dog market. Like anybody cares. They'll be manufactured in China soon enough so there's no point in keeping a secret. You also see this same phenomenon with these goobers that own some greasy spoon in the Midwest, where they don't want to give up what they put in Grandma's Chili recipe. How do we know it's not dog food or something?.....Do you know what also pisses me off? When people on either side of the political isle pretend they are offended and outraged when somebody on the other side says or does something stupid. Any Republican that says thay were really upset with Bill getting a BJ from Monica is lying. I believe this ranks among the greatest moments in the history of the GOP. In fact, people make careers(Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Keith Olbermann, Bill Mahar, just to name a few) out of sitting around and waiting for people on the other side to say or do something stupid so they can ramble about. What an easy job. Where can I land a gig like that? I'll pretend to be conservative if you pay me for it.....And last but not least. The timeshare people on the strip. These people REALLY piss me off. The last time I went down there it took all my will power not to kick one of these jokers right in the nuts. One of these guys asked me for my room number? I don't swing that way but if did, do I really look that cheap and easy? It would take a lot more than free tickets to "Stomp out loud" to get into my pants. If I wore pants. And is it to much to ask for these people to remember a face? You can enter and exit a hotel at the same entrance and the same jerk-off will come running up to you asking "where are you from?", "what hotel are you staying at?". My answer is the same as when you asked me two hours ago you freakin idiot. Don't you remember? I'm a freakin cat!!.

Bono's Blog 3/31 Finally Some Art

Real Quiet

Fusaichi Pegasus

Affirmed

Top Row:Secretariat, Seattle Slew, Affirmed, Unbridled, Sunday Silence, Thunder Gulch
Bottom Row:Grindstone, Silver Charm, Real Quiet, Fusaichi Pegasus, Barbaro, Street Sense

Hey everyone! I'm back. It been a while and I have alot to get to. First of all it's spring time in Vegas! There are number of things that pop right into my head when I think of spring. Flowers blooming, Carty with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, NCAA basketball, wind, birds chirping, baseball, my Mama with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, Easter and the Kentucky Derby. As you can see above with the help of my Dad we merged the last two to create a little bit of art. If you want to call it that. I'm sure some of you real artist view this in the same realm as a velvet painting. But I don't care, this is the best a couple no talent meatball males can come up with. And it's been some time since there has been some art on here. What you see is what we call the Derby Dozen. The eggs are colored in the same color schemes as the jockey silks of various Kentucky Derby winners. We picked the last three Triple Crown winners and the other nine are a few of our favorites over the years. Most of the creative thinking on the project was mine, but my Dad did most of the coloring. Holding eggs without thumbs is quite the task, as is typing. I posted a couple pictures of the actual horses so you have a frame of reference. They have their names above them. A little trivia on them, "Fusaichi" means #1 in Japanese. If you ever wondered what a $4,000,000 horse looks like, that's what Fusaichi Pegasus cost at public auction. The most ever for a Derby winner. And my Mama constantly complains how much I cost her. On the contrary, Real Quiet was the cheapest. $18,000. His owner earned his fortune by owning numerous McDonald's franchises. Hence red and gold color scheme...I'll use that as a segway to the next photo below which is some crazy taste test my Mama is conducting on Me and Carty. Rochelle convinced her that the Purina we've been eating is like feeding us McDonald's. I don't buy it. I think eating at McDonald's is like eating at McDonald's. Everything else is just a step up from there. Aside from the fries of course. Those things are more addictive than crack, which is why I stay away. Anyway, my Mama is planning on changing our food and she is trying to figure out which one of these foods we'll like best. It's not going to work. I've been ordering take out while she's at work.


Speaking of takeout. The LV Review Journal released their bogus Best of Las Vegas list. I'm pretty sure those jokers at the RJ have been reading my blog. They named CJ's Bar-b-cue the best bar-b-cue in Vegas. Go back to my list and I had them pegged 3 months ago. Also, Applebee's was nowhere to be found on their best meal for $10 or less. No, I really don't believe it's plagiarism. As the old saying goes, even a broken clock is right twice a day. I still think they are really lazy though. Get this, their best new restaurant(opened in 2007) was Buzz Bar-b-cue. But CJ's was also opened in 2007. How can that be? CJ's beat them in the bar-b-cue category but not new restaurant? Great job editor. Do you know who I delegate this task to with my list? Carty! That's right, my idiot carpet eating brother. I'm %100 certain he would have caught this error. And I have not even gotten through their whole list yet. I'm sure I'll find a few more oversights.

One last thing about spring. It also means tax time. I wanted to share a little something I came across when I was doing my Mama's taxes. Yup, I do taxes. I have an Associates in accounting from CCSN. Yeah, they let cats in. Actually I think the majority of CCSN graduates don't qualify as human. Their only admissions requirement is that your check or somebody Else's check clears(I believe they offer a course in identity theft help you with this).If you need last minute tax help I'm available for hire. $50 fee, plus %10 of your return. If I do your taxes you WILL get a return. While I was filling out my Mama's Schedule A, I stumbled across this gem from the US Government. The following paragraph is under the section of things you cannot deduct in regards to charitable donations

Travel expenses(including meals and lodging) while away from home, unless there was no significant element of personal pleasure, recreation, or vacation in travel.

So I guess you can deduct travel that you may do for charities as long as you don't get any pleasure from being charitable during your trip? If you are audited how can you prove this? How can the IRS prove this? Does this mean you also have to eat crappy meals and stay at sleazy motels if you travel for charity? What qualifies as a "significant element" of personal pleasure? So if you take a trip for cherity your itnerary must look like this. Fly Northwest Airlines to Detroit(Cleveland and El Paso are also acceptable), when you reach Detroit on your way out of the airport you must eat an $8 personal pizza that's been sitting on that little steel rack for 6 hours. You can't sit while you eat, you have shove it down on the way to baggage claim. Don't even thing about getting that little cart to help your transport your luggage. Rent a Ford any Ford. Stay at a Day's Inn where the Eastern Indian owner will completely jack up your reservation and bill. Trust me this will happen (this happened to my dad despite warnings from my Mama not to book there and let her take care of the reservation). With the added bonus of him smelling like urine. Then you have to take a cold shower and sleep with the window open in the winter(no AC if its summer). Then reverse the whole thing when you leave. And if you got even a little bit of pleasure helping those autistic kids don't even dare deduct your expenses.....I want to meet the guy that thinks these rules up.

Bono's Blog #2 wanted

The other day my Mama was talking about some initiative at her work where everybody was to supposed to identify their #2 person. Or in others words somebody to take over for them when they move on to bigger and better things. Or get fired I suppose. I love corporate initatives like this. Every company does them. They change every few years and often get recycled. My dad works at Wells Fargo where their current thing is something called "Run it like you own it". Which is code for "The real estate market sucks and were cutting cost so we don't have to lay your ass off". They cut all the little perks like X-mas partys and lunches. The one before this was called the "Six-Sigma" initiative. This was stolen from Jack Welch(Former GE CEO). Nobody quite knew what this initiative was or if it worked, but it made upper mangment feel important so it was considered a success. That's what's so cool about these things. They don't even have to work but they make everybody feel a little bit better about themselves and make them feel like have a little more control over things than they really do. Anyway it got me to thinking that I need a #2 individual. I say individual because it can be any type of species. I don't leave this open to just cats. I brought this up to my Mama and she instantly said it should be my Dad or Carty. First of all I found it pretty arrogant of her that she assumed that she was already a #1 and she could not be my #2(Yes, I see the irony in me assuming I'm already a #1 also). Second, there will be snow in Vegas in July before I would consider my Dad or Carty. I would never let either one of those dim wits take over for me. Your probalby asking "Bono, you're a freaking house cat. What do you actually do?". That's my point, none of you understand what it takes for me to run this household. There is alot more to being a house cat than taking a half dozen naps a day. But I do need to find somebody to take over for me when I decide to retire. Which, now that I have my own place I'm thinking doing sooner than I was planning before. The stock market does needs to pick up for me to get there though, my IRA has taken a dump the last couple quarters. If you are intersted send me your resume. Here is what I'm looking for.

An experianced, energetic, professional, outgoing intorvert, perky(college cheerleader perky not male stewardess perky), realiable self starter, ambitious, but not so ambitous that you'll stab me in the back to take my job, confident, but not complete A-hole confident, flexable(both timewise and physically), bilingual(spanish, I don't want to hear from idoits that think speaking German is a valuable tool in America),open minded, cat person, can make a half decent cup of coffee, proficient in Microsoft Office suites, not calling in every other Monday is a must, can hold your liquor, only call-in when you are legimately sick(this means thowing up or you have the shits, headaches and coughs don't count), no funny accents, don't spend half your day texting your friends, do not expect any type of recognition on your birthday(b-days are like assholes, everybody has one), the ability to lift 50lbs, being single and hot does not hurt. If this is you and you ready to work in a intense fast paced environment send me your resume and salery requirements, that you're a not going to get. Look forward to hearing from you.

Bono's Blog 3/12

My Mama got back from vacation earlier this week. She went to San Francisco. Or "The City" as San Franciscan's refer to it. Arrogant pricks. From now on I'm referring to it as Frisco just to piss them off. As soon as she got home she slathered me with slobbery kisses. Disgusting. I was happy to see her again but not that happy. If that wasn't bad enough she had pictures to show me. I like digital cameras but they are a mixed blessing. They save us from the annoying experience of dealing with the incompetent Wal-Mart employee behind the 1-hour photo counter, but yet the little screen on the back allows people to show your their pictures instantly. Anyway, I was bored to tears with her little slide show. I nodded off a couple times only to wake up to picture of Frisco Bay that I could have gotten off Wikipedia. Because I had to endure the boredom of a slide show don't think you won't have to. If you're still reading keep in mind that these are the ones that I found just interesting enough to include in my own blog. You can thank me now for having a blog. If I didn't my Mama would be using this space to post all the pictures....Well on with the show. The 1st one above is my favorite. This is an ill fated attempted by my Mama and Dad to take a picture of themselves in a mirror in the hall way of their hotel. Geniuses. I'm surprised they found their way back home. If that's not comedic enough check out the picture to the right. Ever since I started my blog I've been trying to think of a way to work in boobs. I actually got a bonus on this one. If your wondering why my Mama is staying in a hotel with pictures of completely nude women, you are not alone.


Here is a picture of Sea Lions at Pier 39 at Fisherman's Warf. Ugly creatures I must say. I question their intelligence also. They have all this land along the California coast and these things decide to hang around some over crowded tourist trap on the Sea. You would find me at Pebble Beach or Carmel if I were one of these guys.


I decided to mix in a picture of me at my new condo that I talked about in my last blog. I told you I need decorating help.


Finally, I posted a picture the gifts my Mama brought me back. These are "Welcome Kitties" from Chinatown. When they hold up their paws it supposed to signify virtuous things like prosperity and good luck. That's a nice sentiment but what if you are a kitty that is not welcoming? There are quite a few of us, trust me I'm a cat so I should know. I think they should sell "Piss Off Kitties" or "Get the hell out of here kitties". Just think the other side needs to be told. That's all.

Bono's Blog 3/5

Happy March everyone. No much has been going on in my world. Except for one little thing....I got my own place!! I'm on my own now. We'll sort of. I moved into the top shelf of my Mama's closet which is pretty much like having my own place. Her and my Dad are there for brief periods in the morning but that's about it. And I'm up high enough to where they really don't disturb me. Also, it takes some creative thinking and a pretty good jump to get up there. This keeps Carty out of my hair because he is not creative enough to figure out where to jump from and even if he did figure it out, the girth of his ass prevents him from even being capable of doing it. It's working out really well. I still go over to my Mama's to eat,go the restroom and the occasional visit, but that's about it. I having a hard time deciding how I want to decorate it. All I have now is just a TV, night stand and a lava lamp. I've been watching some of those shows on the Home and Garden network where they decorate rooms and houses. There's about a dozen or so of these shows and they all have different names but they're all pretty much the same. Design on a Dime, Find your Style, Decorating Sense, Free Style, Designed to Sell, Designed to Get you Laid. Ok, I made that last one up, but that's the one I really need. What's the point of moving out if it's not going to improve your romantic life. Anyway, none the previously mentioned shows are really helping me out with my decor issues. Most of the shows show some couple that has more money than they know what to do with and they drop around thirty grand to redo one freakin room. How does that help me? Even on Design on a "Dime" they have around a thousand bucks to throw around. I'm working on a much smaller budget here people. If anybody has any resources or ideas on how to decorate the top shelf of a closet I'm all ears. I'll let you know how it goes.....Late, Bon.

Bono's Blog 2/23

I've been a little upset lately. A few days ago I re-read my last blog. To my dismay I discovered that my Mama censored it. Out of respect to her I will not disclose what was censored, but I'm not happy about it. I didn't think what I wrote was that bad. I couldn't figure out why she did it. I thought she might have been compelled to commit a communist act by the retirement of Fidel Castro. Then I realized my Mama would never know that he retired. She never watches or reads the news. If the event is not big enough for TV Land to break into Green Acres or Sanford and Son she has no idea that the event even happened. So that was ruled out. I got to thinking there are handful of communist tendencies going on in this household. For example my Mama forces me to share equally with my Dad and Carty, even though they are easily the two least accomplished members of the household. Also, Carty often gets locked in the bathroom in middle of the night for scratching at everything and making various annoying noises. He gets locked up even if my Dad does not catch him in the act. No trial, jury, nothing. It's like a kitty Gitmo right here in my own house. In an attempt to get under my mama's skin I have been trying to come up with a communist-esque nickname to call her, like Stalin(quickly ruled out, seemed a little harsh). I kicked around Jen Chi Minh and Mao Za-mama. Tried to work Lenin in somehow, but nothing worked at all with that. I think I'm going to settle on Kim Jen-il. Yes, I'll have to explain this to her, because as mentioned before she would never know who Kim Jung-il is until we go to war with North Korea if I did not. If anybody has any nickname suggestions fill free to post them in the comments section. Hopefully the Chairman will not sensor it. Also, I'm guessing with all the political references so far in this blog I'm setting off all sorts of bells and whistles at the NSA. They'll be reading this blog from now on. So I'd like to say hello to them. You're doing a bang up job guys.

The Oscars are tomorrow night. I can't wait. You all know I love award shows. I don't care that they drag for to long and are filled with people telling bad jokes. It's like my blog in that sense, except with a lot more cleavage. I would post my top 10 list except that I don't think I watched 10 movies this year. And the ones I did see were probably not released this year. Of the movies I did see none stuck out as being really good. However, I can tell you one not to see. That would be Good Luck Chuck. It was horrible. My Mama made me watch it with her of course. Dane Cook is in it, which is about all you need to know. Who decided that this guy is talented anyway? He certainly can't act. I caught some of his stand up comedy act on HBO. The only thing that made me laugh was that he couldn't make me laugh. I won't go into the details of the movie but even gratuitous sex scenes and Jessica Alba in her underwear couldn't save this flick. If you've already watched it you have my condolences.

Bono's Blog 2/18-Home Alone

I watched the movie Superbad this weekend with my Mom. It was ok I guess. It's your typical teenager comedy along the lines of American Pie. The basic premise is a couple nerdy high school kids get invited to a "cool chicks" house for a party while her parents are out of town then hijinks ensue. My question is why do parents leave teenagers home alone? Is there a teen that does not attempt to create some sort of catastrophe when there parents go out of town for any length of time? You all did it when you were young. My dad has a few stories. Legend has it my late uncle Johnny had a live band playing at my great-granpa's house when he came home a day earlier than expected from vacation. It seems to me that appeal to parents of a few days without their teens is greater than the fear of the disaster they might find when they return. Typical human procrastanation. Living with both of our parents, myself and Carty also take advantage off their absence. Here's the story. For that last couple years I've been keeping a journal. At first I would put personal thoughts and feelings. But after a few weeks I walked by our litter and Carty was in there reading my personal journal while he was pinching a loaf. Since then I just fill it with mosty mindless drivel. Pretty much like my blog. Anyway, as you might know I'm very attached to my Mom, I don't like her going out of town for long periods. So as part of my journal I kept a log of all the things that we did while she was away, hoping she'll read it an think twice about doing it next time. I won't bore you with all of it. I'll just bore you with a sampling below. Remember, this is just the shananigans of a couple cats. Just imaging what a couple teens(who are by definition, certified dimwits) could pull off.

FRIDAY

7:05am.....Mom and Dad leave for the airport. You know they are going to be away for a while because our food bowl has a mountain of dry food so high that you would need two sherpas and billy goat to get to top of it.
7:05am.....Me and Carty scratch all the places that we get yelled at when Mom and Dad are home.
7:20am....Carty goes to work on Mount Purina.
7:35am....Carty is still eating. I tell him to stop already and make a comment about the size of his ass. We get into a fight. I rip a hunk of fur from his back and cut him over his eye.
1:07pm....After a series of naps, Me and Carty decide to have a party on Saturday night
2:34pm....Carty is on the horn trying to score us some high grade nip for the party.
2:35pm....Carty tells me to stop writting in my diary and diaries are for little girls. I insist that it's a journal not a diary. We get into a fight, this time I get cut across the nose.

SATURDAY

12:03pm....Carty is in the back porch with our nip dealer. A real shaddy cat named Flaco. He constantly brags about all the time he has done in the pound. He's the kind of cat you don't want to hang around with, but his stuff is really good so I deal with him.
12:05pm....I overhear Carty inviting Flaco to the party. I bury my head in my paws. This is not good.
12:10pm....I scold Carty for inviting Flaco. We get into a fight. This one ends quickly as I land a clean left cross to his chin.
3:05pm.....Cindy comes over. I guess she is supposed to check on us. I peek at her from around the corner. Her teenage daughter Megan is with her.
3:11pm.....Megan drops her expensive cell phone in our toilet. This is why I use a litter and not a toilet.
3:17pm.....Cindy changes our litter. Thank God! It was getting dangerously full and we still have the party tonight.
4:45pm.....Carty is trying to eat our living room carpet. I can't believe we are brothers.
10:45pm....The party is going well. Good vibe with friends and lots of lady cats.
11:05pm....Flaco shows up with a crew of uninvited thugs. This could get ugly.

Sunday

1:03am....Carty is totally smashed. He is doing an air guitar version of Johnny B. Goode on top of the entertainment center. We've all been there.
4:07am....The night winds down uneventfully. My self and a couple buddys finish off what left of the nip. I'm thankful for a fun evening with disaster averted.

My mama came back that evening. No worse for wear, Me, Carty and the house escaped relatively well. I guess my point is it probably not a good idea to leave some hormone filled teenager home alone for more than an hour or two. Really, only something bad can happen. The same goes for cats.

See you later...my mom is getting dangerously close to order jewelry from QVC and somebody owes me a new scratching post.

PS. If somebody could tell me how to get the spellcheck working on this think again it would be fantastic.

Bono's Blog 2/10- A Disturbing Trend

I have to get this off my chest. I've been carring it around for a week. During the half time show of the Super Bowl, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers performed. This is the 3rd time in four years that the Super Bowl has a performer that has more appeal to my 58 year old grandpa than it did to anybody under the age of 40. If you don't remember the other two were the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney. The 4th performer was Prince who is no spring chicken himself. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy the music of all these people and at six years old I'm a litte further along in cat years than I care to admit. I'm just wondering how long are we going to keep wheeling these people out? Much of this was brought on by Janet Jackson's nipple slip a few years back(will the children of America ever be able to recover from that?) Now producers of the half time show are afraid of what the government might do to them if something like that would happen again. That's American! The media afraid of government sanctions. Anyway, back to my point. The trend toward the elderly musical artist was further hammered home with the Grammys tonight. A handfull of AARP members were nominated and perfomed(Jerry Lee Lewis and John Fogerty) But worst of all we had to witness the terror of a 68 year old Tina Turner performing. She moves pretty good for a 68 year-old, but she is 68 years old! Did the producers of the show not know this? I was waiting for her to break her hip at any moment. I bet she had to chug an Ensure as soon as soon as she got off stage. Not to mention she had her high beams on the entire performance. Yeah, if you missed it, Tina Turner's nipples were boinking out for all the world to see. God, I hope this was not intentional. I can't believe they let her out on stage in that outfit. Aluminum foil does not work for her at all. Sadly, Vegas is on this bandwagon also. Cher is going to be performing at Ceasars. I guess they felt a need to have a perfomer on the strip that has had an excessive amount of plastic surgery with Wayne Newton not performing regularly since the sad demise of my beloved Stardust. (Yes, I loved the Dust. So did Carty, he used to roll dice there all the time. And they had a great restaurant name Bono's). I love Wayne too, but the plastic surgery is a little much. I posted a picture of him above. I can't tell if that is really a picure of him or a picure of his sculpture at Madam Trousseau's. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to deal with it. I can't wait to see Tony Bennett's Super Bowl half time performance next year.....Speaking of the Super Bowl. I know I already went on my football rant. But Super Bowl Sunday is the most American Day of the year. Don't belive me? Well 97 million people watched the game, the 2nd most watched event of any kind in this nations. It's more American that the 4th of July, which is most looked forward to by pyromanics. Admit it, if you didn't get a day off you wouldn't really care. The elements of Super Bowl Sunday exemplify America. Football is by miles the most popular sport in this country. But globally it's largly irrelevant. Then we have glutany and consumerism. People sitting around drinking and stuffing their face with large amounts food. Then we have the commercials which appeal to people that don't care about the game. There is a little something for everyone. And do you now what? I think it beautiful and we don't have to appologize for it.

Bono's Blog 2/4

WARNING:For some reason the spell check was not working when I posted this. So there will be even more typos and bad grammer than usual.

I'm back! I took a little break from blogging. I must admit I missed it a little. It's only been a couple weeks but it seemed much longer to me. It wasn't a long break at all by my Mama's standards. She only blogs about once every couple months now. I think she might be on strike like the TV writters..... She took a class with Cindy and at my request made an ATC card for me. This being an art site I figured I should mix it in somewhere. I wanted to post a picture and talk about it but she refused to post it. She didn't think it was very good, but I didn't think it was that bad. Now I'm thinking I'm just going to have to do my own. I'm not very artistic at all. The closest I've gotten to making a piece of art was spelling my name in the snow. And I barely got through that. I almost froze my you know what off. Let's just say It's a good thing my name is only four letters long. In my opinion it's pretty difficult to tell good art from bad. I was watching Antiques Road Show with my Mom. Some lady has a pencil and water color painting from some dude that I guess is famous, but I can't remember his name. The guy on the show somehow came to the conclusion that it was worth a few thousand dollars. I was hardley impressed by the piece. I've seen better art on refrigerator doors. It just goes to show you it's hard to tell the good from the bad. I seems to me that most important factor in being considered a good artist is having a really pretentious name and being from Europe. Most people would pay more for a piece made by Jaques Francois from Lyon than Dave Wilson from Debuque regardless of what the art actully looks like. But if anybody has any pointers for a beginner I'm all ears. One other thing on Antiques Road Show, I wish they would follow up with some of these people to see if they actually sell their crap and for what. I question the credibility of these jokers. They could tell these people their freakin Chinise lamp is worth anything without any consequence. They should have some level of accountabilty.

My Auntie Shiloh just left town. My Mom told me Shiloh thought I was going to blog about her birthday or something. What she didn't know is that I didn't blog about my own birthday! I supposed to blog about her's? Me and Carty turned six on 1/26. You can donate to the ASPCA in lieu of gifs. I was to young to remember when I got adopted but my Mama told Me and Carty we had three other brothers. I really hope thay are doing well and had good birthday also. I'm thinking of starting a site called Littermates.com, where cats can re-connect with their siblings(yes this one is rip off of Classmates.com, unlike my Best of Vegas list). Anyway, Happy Birthday brothers. Happy Birthday, Shiloh. Happy now!

I would like to thank everyone for the great response to my Best Of Vegas list. We had 11 hits in one day which more than double of our previouse record high of 5. Since than I have felt terrible about not thanking my staff. First of all my brother Carty. Dispite being litter mates we are almost completely opposite in every way. He is great to have around when compiling my list. I constantly bounce ideas and thoughts off him to get a different point of view. Thanks Carty. Finally, I would like to thank Peaches. She's the tabby from down the street. Her picture is up above. She's a cutie Isn't she? We were an item for a while when she first moved into the neighborhood. It didn't work out, but we remained friends. She also shares my love of this type of thing. She made great contributions to the list. For example I almost named the Westward Ho as the Best Place to Fart Witout being noticed. I complelety forgot that it was closed! She caught this and saved me quite a bit of embarrassment.

Thats all for now. Maybe next time I'll be back with some art. See Ya. Bono.

Bono's Best of Vegas 08

It's that time of year again. Award shows, year end reviews. I love them. So much so I have developed my own. This is the 3rd Annual Bono's Best of Vegas list. Yeah, I know I've only been blogging for about six weeks, but I've been keeping a mental list for three years now. I unveil it to my self in early January every year. No! This is not a rip off of the Las Vegas Review-Journal's Best of Las Vegas. I had the Best of Albuquerque list before I even moved here. Besides the RJ's list really sucks. They are incredibly lazy. For example their best seafood restaurant is Red Lobster. Wow! How long did it take to come up with that one? The best place to get meal under $10 is Applebee's. You have to be kidding me. How many places did they actually sample? If the category was the best place to give you the Hershey squirts, Applebee's might be the winner, but it is certainly not the best place to get a meal under $10. Here is partial list of Bono's Best, my full list is pretty much infinite so if you want know a specific category that is not listed here let me know.

BEST PLACE TO GET A MEAL UNDER $10: CJ'S BAR-B-QUE. It's a new place near Sahara and Jones. You can get a 1/4 pork, brisket or turkey for $4. They give you the bread to make a great sandwich. Hell of alot better than McDonalds or the a fore mentioned Applebee's

BEST PLACE TO GET HAMMERED FOR CHEAP: ELLIS ISLAND CASINO. You can get a beer for like a buck. Try the ribs while you are there. Have your Mace ready while you are walking through the parking lot. This displaced last years winner which was any Martin-Harris construction function. The booze really flows at these things, but they can be difficult to get into. So they are 2nd place this year.

BEST PLACE TO SHOP IN GREEN VALLEY: ANTHROPOLOGY. Did I spell that right? My Mom told me to put that on here.

BEST CRABCAKE: VIC AND ANTHONY'S AT THE GOLDEN NUGGET. Pricey, but they are worth it.

BEST PLACE TO LICK YOUR SELF: BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. You didn't think I was going to keep this list serious, did you?

BEST LOCAL ARTIST:CINDY DEAN. Her link is this page. Check it out. Her husband Terry, also won in the Best Mechanic catagory and Best Dale Earnhardt mustach catagory.

BEST PLACE TO GET LEGAL PORN FROM AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT:THE CORNER OF FLAMINGO AND LAS VEGAS BLVD. I wonder if the people that hand out those little cards have to interview for the position. Do you take a resume with you?

BEST PLACE TO GET CAT TREATS:THE LUSH PUPPY AT MANDALAY BAY. You wouldn't think a place with the word puppy in it would work for cats but it does. If you go there, tell them you know me and ask for the Kitty Kaviar.

BEST PLACE TO GET FREE STARBUCKS COFFEE: FLETCHER JONES MERCEDES. If your in the area in the AM just park in the regular lot. Go to the service building. They have a mini-Starbucks inside. The fru-fru drinks cost money but the regular coffee is free. They don't know your car is not being serviced. They give me coffee and I'm a freakin cat.

BEST PLACE TO STOP TRYING TO REVITALIZE: DOWNTOWN. The place is just a plain dive. It always will be. Can't we just accept it and move on. It seems to me the people down there are perfectly fine with the dankness and smell of urine. Just leave it alone already.

BEST LOCAL ARTIST THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY ART: JENNIFER GABALDON.

BEST PLACE TO SPOT CELEBS:I DON'T KNOW. If you actually consciously go somewhere to spot celebs you are a loser.

BEST PLACE TO FART WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING:DOWNTOWN. See comments on Best Place to stop trying to revitalize. I bet the RJ's list does not have a farting catagory.

BEST PLACE TO TAKE KIDS IF YOU ARE A TOURIST:ORLANDO. If you bring kids to Vegas you are jackass. Am I the only one annoyed by people that are pushing strollers on the strip? Who thinks it a good idea to drag their children through a casino full of smoke, drunks and women showing %90 of their racks? I'm not one to be a moralist but even I have my limits.

BEST PLACE TO HIDE FROM VISITORS:UNDER MY MAMA'S BED.

BEST PLACE TO TAKE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES:BACK TO MCCARREN AIRPORT.

That's all for now. I was going to have a reader's choice poll like the RJ does, but this site only has like three readers so it seemed like an exercise in futility. If anybody has their own favorites please share. Until next time. Bon.

Bono's Blog 1/4

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had as much fun as I did. Myself, Carty and a few buddys really tied one on for New Year's eve. The new picture I posted is me at roughly 4am New Year's day, at least that's what I'm told. I don't really remember. FYI, Patron and Purina Indoor Formula don't mix.......In my last blog I asked Jesus to forgive my language in my blogs. I went back and read them again and figured I better ask for forgiveness for the sexual innuendo, gambling references and the overall judgmental tone included in my previous blogs also.....Now that's out of the way, I'm in the mood for some more of it. You might notice the picture that says "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke". This is a slogan used by Big Dog's. For those of you not from Vegas, Big Dog's is a Vegas style pub. A Vegas style pub is basically a combination of a bar, restaurant and gambling parlor(mostly video poker). Big Dog's actually has billboards with this saying posted around town. Clearly with a saying like this, the establishment is geared toward men. What gets me about this is how direct it is. There is no subtlety what so ever. It plays toward nearly every vice that males are attracted to. All of the things mentioned in the sign done in excess is dangerous. I wonder if this sign would go over in any other city in America? Although the sign does not appeal to every male desire it's pretty close. If the sign read "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke. Jerk off and take a nap" then I think it would be complete. If anybody can get a business together that cab pull this off(no pun intended)could really make some cash......I mentioned before that I lost my allowance this month betting on football. Tony Romo is really killing me. I won betting on the Cowboys all year. Then he started dating Jessica Simpson and it all went to hell. First Nick, now Tony. Who will she ruin next? I saw that Justin Timberlake just broke up with Camron Diaz, that's who I would put my money on. If I had any left....Since I brought up football, my dad and Carty were a little down earlier this month because their fantasy football teams lost. I don't play(at least not yet). I use a little more discretion in where I direct my fantasies. However, I watched them close enough to see how addictive fantasy football is. Football in general is great. There are two things the vast majority of men in America are obsessed with. That is football and/or cars. I think if you are an American heterosexual male and you don't love one off these two things you should be put on a terrorist watch list. Seriously. Dick Cheney should be tapping your phones. You have zero business in this country if you don't like one of these two things. I think it should be a federal requirement that all non-gay males should part-off a fantasy football and/or a fantasy NASCAR league. This would cover the entire year with some overlap. Football goes from September to the next February. NASCAR goes from February to November. What's great about this is that you can't fake it. Real football fans and gear heads can spot fakes from a mile away. Leagues would be formed randomly with people in your same city, so potential terrorist cannot form their own league. I would make it a requirement to meet your other league members at least once every 2 weeks. Kind of like AA. If some exchange student named Abu-Musab Hamdan is in your league and he is not hooked within a month or two you'll know he is up to some shenanigans. True American league members will catch this and report him to the authorities immediately. If he does get hooked he'll be spending hours on this crap. A bare minimum of 12 hours of watching football on weekends. Or he'll be refurbishing a '76 Mustang before you know it. He'll be blowing off prayer time at the Mosque on Monday nights. Our former Al-Quida member won't have time to plot any attacks. And he won't want to. He won't want to do anything that might disrupt the NFL season or scare up oil prices for his new gas guzzler. I'm telling you this would work. What about gay terrorist? Free cover at every techno dance club in the USA? Free Home and Garden television? I don't know. Do I have to think of everything?!.....Laters, Bono.


PS. If you are one to those people that tells people "See you next year!" when you are saying goodbye on 12/31 you are an idiot.