Saturday, February 23, 2008

Bono's Blog 2/23

I've been a little upset lately. A few days ago I re-read my last blog. To my dismay I discovered that my Mama censored it. Out of respect to her I will not disclose what was censored, but I'm not happy about it. I didn't think what I wrote was that bad. I couldn't figure out why she did it. I thought she might have been compelled to commit a communist act by the retirement of Fidel Castro. Then I realized my Mama would never know that he retired. She never watches or reads the news. If the event is not big enough for TV Land to break into Green Acres or Sanford and Son she has no idea that the event even happened. So that was ruled out. I got to thinking there are handful of communist tendencies going on in this household. For example my Mama forces me to share equally with my Dad and Carty, even though they are easily the two least accomplished members of the household. Also, Carty often gets locked in the bathroom in middle of the night for scratching at everything and making various annoying noises. He gets locked up even if my Dad does not catch him in the act. No trial, jury, nothing. It's like a kitty Gitmo right here in my own house. In an attempt to get under my mama's skin I have been trying to come up with a communist-esque nickname to call her, like Stalin(quickly ruled out, seemed a little harsh). I kicked around Jen Chi Minh and Mao Za-mama. Tried to work Lenin in somehow, but nothing worked at all with that. I think I'm going to settle on Kim Jen-il. Yes, I'll have to explain this to her, because as mentioned before she would never know who Kim Jung-il is until we go to war with North Korea if I did not. If anybody has any nickname suggestions fill free to post them in the comments section. Hopefully the Chairman will not sensor it. Also, I'm guessing with all the political references so far in this blog I'm setting off all sorts of bells and whistles at the NSA. They'll be reading this blog from now on. So I'd like to say hello to them. You're doing a bang up job guys.

The Oscars are tomorrow night. I can't wait. You all know I love award shows. I don't care that they drag for to long and are filled with people telling bad jokes. It's like my blog in that sense, except with a lot more cleavage. I would post my top 10 list except that I don't think I watched 10 movies this year. And the ones I did see were probably not released this year. Of the movies I did see none stuck out as being really good. However, I can tell you one not to see. That would be Good Luck Chuck. It was horrible. My Mama made me watch it with her of course. Dane Cook is in it, which is about all you need to know. Who decided that this guy is talented anyway? He certainly can't act. I caught some of his stand up comedy act on HBO. The only thing that made me laugh was that he couldn't make me laugh. I won't go into the details of the movie but even gratuitous sex scenes and Jessica Alba in her underwear couldn't save this flick. If you've already watched it you have my condolences.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Bono's Blog 2/18-Home Alone

I watched the movie Superbad this weekend with my Mom. It was ok I guess. It's your typical teenager comedy along the lines of American Pie. The basic premise is a couple nerdy high school kids get invited to a "cool chicks" house for a party while her parents are out of town then hijinks ensue. My question is why do parents leave teenagers home alone? Is there a teen that does not attempt to create some sort of catastrophe when there parents go out of town for any length of time? You all did it when you were young. My dad has a few stories. Legend has it my late uncle Johnny had a live band playing at my great-granpa's house when he came home a day earlier than expected from vacation. It seems to me that appeal to parents of a few days without their teens is greater than the fear of the disaster they might find when they return. Typical human procrastanation. Living with both of our parents, myself and Carty also take advantage off their absence. Here's the story. For that last couple years I've been keeping a journal. At first I would put personal thoughts and feelings. But after a few weeks I walked by our litter and Carty was in there reading my personal journal while he was pinching a loaf. Since then I just fill it with mosty mindless drivel. Pretty much like my blog. Anyway, as you might know I'm very attached to my Mom, I don't like her going out of town for long periods. So as part of my journal I kept a log of all the things that we did while she was away, hoping she'll read it an think twice about doing it next time. I won't bore you with all of it. I'll just bore you with a sampling below. Remember, this is just the shananigans of a couple cats. Just imaging what a couple teens(who are by definition, certified dimwits) could pull off.

FRIDAY

7:05am.....Mom and Dad leave for the airport. You know they are going to be away for a while because our food bowl has a mountain of dry food so high that you would need two sherpas and billy goat to get to top of it.
7:05am.....Me and Carty scratch all the places that we get yelled at when Mom and Dad are home.
7:20am....Carty goes to work on Mount Purina.
7:35am....Carty is still eating. I tell him to stop already and make a comment about the size of his ass. We get into a fight. I rip a hunk of fur from his back and cut him over his eye.
1:07pm....After a series of naps, Me and Carty decide to have a party on Saturday night
2:34pm....Carty is on the horn trying to score us some high grade nip for the party.
2:35pm....Carty tells me to stop writting in my diary and diaries are for little girls. I insist that it's a journal not a diary. We get into a fight, this time I get cut across the nose.

SATURDAY

12:03pm....Carty is in the back porch with our nip dealer. A real shaddy cat named Flaco. He constantly brags about all the time he has done in the pound. He's the kind of cat you don't want to hang around with, but his stuff is really good so I deal with him.
12:05pm....I overhear Carty inviting Flaco to the party. I bury my head in my paws. This is not good.
12:10pm....I scold Carty for inviting Flaco. We get into a fight. This one ends quickly as I land a clean left cross to his chin.
3:05pm.....Cindy comes over. I guess she is supposed to check on us. I peek at her from around the corner. Her teenage daughter Megan is with her.
3:11pm.....Megan drops her expensive cell phone in our toilet. This is why I use a litter and not a toilet.
3:17pm.....Cindy changes our litter. Thank God! It was getting dangerously full and we still have the party tonight.
4:45pm.....Carty is trying to eat our living room carpet. I can't believe we are brothers.
10:45pm....The party is going well. Good vibe with friends and lots of lady cats.
11:05pm....Flaco shows up with a crew of uninvited thugs. This could get ugly.

Sunday

1:03am....Carty is totally smashed. He is doing an air guitar version of Johnny B. Goode on top of the entertainment center. We've all been there.
4:07am....The night winds down uneventfully. My self and a couple buddys finish off what left of the nip. I'm thankful for a fun evening with disaster averted.

My mama came back that evening. No worse for wear, Me, Carty and the house escaped relatively well. I guess my point is it probably not a good idea to leave some hormone filled teenager home alone for more than an hour or two. Really, only something bad can happen. The same goes for cats.

See you later...my mom is getting dangerously close to order jewelry from QVC and somebody owes me a new scratching post.

PS. If somebody could tell me how to get the spellcheck working on this think again it would be fantastic.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Bono's Blog 2/10- A Disturbing Trend

I have to get this off my chest. I've been carring it around for a week. During the half time show of the Super Bowl, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers performed. This is the 3rd time in four years that the Super Bowl has a performer that has more appeal to my 58 year old grandpa than it did to anybody under the age of 40. If you don't remember the other two were the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney. The 4th performer was Prince who is no spring chicken himself. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy the music of all these people and at six years old I'm a litte further along in cat years than I care to admit. I'm just wondering how long are we going to keep wheeling these people out? Much of this was brought on by Janet Jackson's nipple slip a few years back(will the children of America ever be able to recover from that?) Now producers of the half time show are afraid of what the government might do to them if something like that would happen again. That's American! The media afraid of government sanctions. Anyway, back to my point. The trend toward the elderly musical artist was further hammered home with the Grammys tonight. A handfull of AARP members were nominated and perfomed(Jerry Lee Lewis and John Fogerty) But worst of all we had to witness the terror of a 68 year old Tina Turner performing. She moves pretty good for a 68 year-old, but she is 68 years old! Did the producers of the show not know this? I was waiting for her to break her hip at any moment. I bet she had to chug an Ensure as soon as soon as she got off stage. Not to mention she had her high beams on the entire performance. Yeah, if you missed it, Tina Turner's nipples were boinking out for all the world to see. God, I hope this was not intentional. I can't believe they let her out on stage in that outfit. Aluminum foil does not work for her at all. Sadly, Vegas is on this bandwagon also. Cher is going to be performing at Ceasars. I guess they felt a need to have a perfomer on the strip that has had an excessive amount of plastic surgery with Wayne Newton not performing regularly since the sad demise of my beloved Stardust. (Yes, I loved the Dust. So did Carty, he used to roll dice there all the time. And they had a great restaurant name Bono's). I love Wayne too, but the plastic surgery is a little much. I posted a picture of him above. I can't tell if that is really a picure of him or a picure of his sculpture at Madam Trousseau's. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to deal with it. I can't wait to see Tony Bennett's Super Bowl half time performance next year.....Speaking of the Super Bowl. I know I already went on my football rant. But Super Bowl Sunday is the most American Day of the year. Don't belive me? Well 97 million people watched the game, the 2nd most watched event of any kind in this nations. It's more American that the 4th of July, which is most looked forward to by pyromanics. Admit it, if you didn't get a day off you wouldn't really care. The elements of Super Bowl Sunday exemplify America. Football is by miles the most popular sport in this country. But globally it's largly irrelevant. Then we have glutany and consumerism. People sitting around drinking and stuffing their face with large amounts food. Then we have the commercials which appeal to people that don't care about the game. There is a little something for everyone. And do you now what? I think it beautiful and we don't have to appologize for it.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Bono's Blog 2/4



WARNING:For some reason the spell check was not working when I posted this. So there will be even more typos and bad grammer than usual.

I'm back! I took a little break from blogging. I must admit I missed it a little. It's only been a couple weeks but it seemed much longer to me. It wasn't a long break at all by my Mama's standards. She only blogs about once every couple months now. I think she might be on strike like the TV writters..... She took a class with Cindy and at my request made an ATC card for me. This being an art site I figured I should mix it in somewhere. I wanted to post a picture and talk about it but she refused to post it. She didn't think it was very good, but I didn't think it was that bad. Now I'm thinking I'm just going to have to do my own. I'm not very artistic at all. The closest I've gotten to making a piece of art was spelling my name in the snow. And I barely got through that. I almost froze my you know what off. Let's just say It's a good thing my name is only four letters long. In my opinion it's pretty difficult to tell good art from bad. I was watching Antiques Road Show with my Mom. Some lady has a pencil and water color painting from some dude that I guess is famous, but I can't remember his name. The guy on the show somehow came to the conclusion that it was worth a few thousand dollars. I was hardley impressed by the piece. I've seen better art on refrigerator doors. It just goes to show you it's hard to tell the good from the bad. I seems to me that most important factor in being considered a good artist is having a really pretentious name and being from Europe. Most people would pay more for a piece made by Jaques Francois from Lyon than Dave Wilson from Debuque regardless of what the art actully looks like. But if anybody has any pointers for a beginner I'm all ears. One other thing on Antiques Road Show, I wish they would follow up with some of these people to see if they actually sell their crap and for what. I question the credibility of these jokers. They could tell these people their freakin Chinise lamp is worth anything without any consequence. They should have some level of accountabilty.

My Auntie Shiloh just left town. My Mom told me Shiloh thought I was going to blog about her birthday or something. What she didn't know is that I didn't blog about my own birthday! I supposed to blog about her's? Me and Carty turned six on 1/26. You can donate to the ASPCA in lieu of gifs. I was to young to remember when I got adopted but my Mama told Me and Carty we had three other brothers. I really hope thay are doing well and had good birthday also. I'm thinking of starting a site called Littermates.com, where cats can re-connect with their siblings(yes this one is rip off of Classmates.com, unlike my Best of Vegas list). Anyway, Happy Birthday brothers. Happy Birthday, Shiloh. Happy now!

I would like to thank everyone for the great response to my Best Of Vegas list. We had 11 hits in one day which more than double of our previouse record high of 5. Since than I have felt terrible about not thanking my staff. First of all my brother Carty. Dispite being litter mates we are almost completely opposite in every way. He is great to have around when compiling my list. I constantly bounce ideas and thoughts off him to get a different point of view. Thanks Carty. Finally, I would like to thank Peaches. She's the tabby from down the street. Her picture is up above. She's a cutie Isn't she? We were an item for a while when she first moved into the neighborhood. It didn't work out, but we remained friends. She also shares my love of this type of thing. She made great contributions to the list. For example I almost named the Westward Ho as the Best Place to Fart Witout being noticed. I complelety forgot that it was closed! She caught this and saved me quite a bit of embarrassment.

Thats all for now. Maybe next time I'll be back with some art. See Ya. Bono.