Bono's Blog 3/31 Finally Some Art

Real Quiet

Fusaichi Pegasus

Affirmed

Top Row:Secretariat, Seattle Slew, Affirmed, Unbridled, Sunday Silence, Thunder Gulch
Bottom Row:Grindstone, Silver Charm, Real Quiet, Fusaichi Pegasus, Barbaro, Street Sense

Hey everyone! I'm back. It been a while and I have alot to get to. First of all it's spring time in Vegas! There are number of things that pop right into my head when I think of spring. Flowers blooming, Carty with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, NCAA basketball, wind, birds chirping, baseball, my Mama with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, Easter and the Kentucky Derby. As you can see above with the help of my Dad we merged the last two to create a little bit of art. If you want to call it that. I'm sure some of you real artist view this in the same realm as a velvet painting. But I don't care, this is the best a couple no talent meatball males can come up with. And it's been some time since there has been some art on here. What you see is what we call the Derby Dozen. The eggs are colored in the same color schemes as the jockey silks of various Kentucky Derby winners. We picked the last three Triple Crown winners and the other nine are a few of our favorites over the years. Most of the creative thinking on the project was mine, but my Dad did most of the coloring. Holding eggs without thumbs is quite the task, as is typing. I posted a couple pictures of the actual horses so you have a frame of reference. They have their names above them. A little trivia on them, "Fusaichi" means #1 in Japanese. If you ever wondered what a $4,000,000 horse looks like, that's what Fusaichi Pegasus cost at public auction. The most ever for a Derby winner. And my Mama constantly complains how much I cost her. On the contrary, Real Quiet was the cheapest. $18,000. His owner earned his fortune by owning numerous McDonald's franchises. Hence red and gold color scheme...I'll use that as a segway to the next photo below which is some crazy taste test my Mama is conducting on Me and Carty. Rochelle convinced her that the Purina we've been eating is like feeding us McDonald's. I don't buy it. I think eating at McDonald's is like eating at McDonald's. Everything else is just a step up from there. Aside from the fries of course. Those things are more addictive than crack, which is why I stay away. Anyway, my Mama is planning on changing our food and she is trying to figure out which one of these foods we'll like best. It's not going to work. I've been ordering take out while she's at work.


Speaking of takeout. The LV Review Journal released their bogus Best of Las Vegas list. I'm pretty sure those jokers at the RJ have been reading my blog. They named CJ's Bar-b-cue the best bar-b-cue in Vegas. Go back to my list and I had them pegged 3 months ago. Also, Applebee's was nowhere to be found on their best meal for $10 or less. No, I really don't believe it's plagiarism. As the old saying goes, even a broken clock is right twice a day. I still think they are really lazy though. Get this, their best new restaurant(opened in 2007) was Buzz Bar-b-cue. But CJ's was also opened in 2007. How can that be? CJ's beat them in the bar-b-cue category but not new restaurant? Great job editor. Do you know who I delegate this task to with my list? Carty! That's right, my idiot carpet eating brother. I'm %100 certain he would have caught this error. And I have not even gotten through their whole list yet. I'm sure I'll find a few more oversights.

One last thing about spring. It also means tax time. I wanted to share a little something I came across when I was doing my Mama's taxes. Yup, I do taxes. I have an Associates in accounting from CCSN. Yeah, they let cats in. Actually I think the majority of CCSN graduates don't qualify as human. Their only admissions requirement is that your check or somebody Else's check clears(I believe they offer a course in identity theft help you with this).If you need last minute tax help I'm available for hire. $50 fee, plus %10 of your return. If I do your taxes you WILL get a return. While I was filling out my Mama's Schedule A, I stumbled across this gem from the US Government. The following paragraph is under the section of things you cannot deduct in regards to charitable donations

Travel expenses(including meals and lodging) while away from home, unless there was no significant element of personal pleasure, recreation, or vacation in travel.

So I guess you can deduct travel that you may do for charities as long as you don't get any pleasure from being charitable during your trip? If you are audited how can you prove this? How can the IRS prove this? Does this mean you also have to eat crappy meals and stay at sleazy motels if you travel for charity? What qualifies as a "significant element" of personal pleasure? So if you take a trip for cherity your itnerary must look like this. Fly Northwest Airlines to Detroit(Cleveland and El Paso are also acceptable), when you reach Detroit on your way out of the airport you must eat an $8 personal pizza that's been sitting on that little steel rack for 6 hours. You can't sit while you eat, you have shove it down on the way to baggage claim. Don't even thing about getting that little cart to help your transport your luggage. Rent a Ford any Ford. Stay at a Day's Inn where the Eastern Indian owner will completely jack up your reservation and bill. Trust me this will happen (this happened to my dad despite warnings from my Mama not to book there and let her take care of the reservation). With the added bonus of him smelling like urine. Then you have to take a cold shower and sleep with the window open in the winter(no AC if its summer). Then reverse the whole thing when you leave. And if you got even a little bit of pleasure helping those autistic kids don't even dare deduct your expenses.....I want to meet the guy that thinks these rules up.

Bono's Blog #2 wanted

The other day my Mama was talking about some initiative at her work where everybody was to supposed to identify their #2 person. Or in others words somebody to take over for them when they move on to bigger and better things. Or get fired I suppose. I love corporate initatives like this. Every company does them. They change every few years and often get recycled. My dad works at Wells Fargo where their current thing is something called "Run it like you own it". Which is code for "The real estate market sucks and were cutting cost so we don't have to lay your ass off". They cut all the little perks like X-mas partys and lunches. The one before this was called the "Six-Sigma" initiative. This was stolen from Jack Welch(Former GE CEO). Nobody quite knew what this initiative was or if it worked, but it made upper mangment feel important so it was considered a success. That's what's so cool about these things. They don't even have to work but they make everybody feel a little bit better about themselves and make them feel like have a little more control over things than they really do. Anyway it got me to thinking that I need a #2 individual. I say individual because it can be any type of species. I don't leave this open to just cats. I brought this up to my Mama and she instantly said it should be my Dad or Carty. First of all I found it pretty arrogant of her that she assumed that she was already a #1 and she could not be my #2(Yes, I see the irony in me assuming I'm already a #1 also). Second, there will be snow in Vegas in July before I would consider my Dad or Carty. I would never let either one of those dim wits take over for me. Your probalby asking "Bono, you're a freaking house cat. What do you actually do?". That's my point, none of you understand what it takes for me to run this household. There is alot more to being a house cat than taking a half dozen naps a day. But I do need to find somebody to take over for me when I decide to retire. Which, now that I have my own place I'm thinking doing sooner than I was planning before. The stock market does needs to pick up for me to get there though, my IRA has taken a dump the last couple quarters. If you are intersted send me your resume. Here is what I'm looking for.

An experianced, energetic, professional, outgoing intorvert, perky(college cheerleader perky not male stewardess perky), realiable self starter, ambitious, but not so ambitous that you'll stab me in the back to take my job, confident, but not complete A-hole confident, flexable(both timewise and physically), bilingual(spanish, I don't want to hear from idoits that think speaking German is a valuable tool in America),open minded, cat person, can make a half decent cup of coffee, proficient in Microsoft Office suites, not calling in every other Monday is a must, can hold your liquor, only call-in when you are legimately sick(this means thowing up or you have the shits, headaches and coughs don't count), no funny accents, don't spend half your day texting your friends, do not expect any type of recognition on your birthday(b-days are like assholes, everybody has one), the ability to lift 50lbs, being single and hot does not hurt. If this is you and you ready to work in a intense fast paced environment send me your resume and salery requirements, that you're a not going to get. Look forward to hearing from you.

Bono's Blog 3/12

My Mama got back from vacation earlier this week. She went to San Francisco. Or "The City" as San Franciscan's refer to it. Arrogant pricks. From now on I'm referring to it as Frisco just to piss them off. As soon as she got home she slathered me with slobbery kisses. Disgusting. I was happy to see her again but not that happy. If that wasn't bad enough she had pictures to show me. I like digital cameras but they are a mixed blessing. They save us from the annoying experience of dealing with the incompetent Wal-Mart employee behind the 1-hour photo counter, but yet the little screen on the back allows people to show your their pictures instantly. Anyway, I was bored to tears with her little slide show. I nodded off a couple times only to wake up to picture of Frisco Bay that I could have gotten off Wikipedia. Because I had to endure the boredom of a slide show don't think you won't have to. If you're still reading keep in mind that these are the ones that I found just interesting enough to include in my own blog. You can thank me now for having a blog. If I didn't my Mama would be using this space to post all the pictures....Well on with the show. The 1st one above is my favorite. This is an ill fated attempted by my Mama and Dad to take a picture of themselves in a mirror in the hall way of their hotel. Geniuses. I'm surprised they found their way back home. If that's not comedic enough check out the picture to the right. Ever since I started my blog I've been trying to think of a way to work in boobs. I actually got a bonus on this one. If your wondering why my Mama is staying in a hotel with pictures of completely nude women, you are not alone.


Here is a picture of Sea Lions at Pier 39 at Fisherman's Warf. Ugly creatures I must say. I question their intelligence also. They have all this land along the California coast and these things decide to hang around some over crowded tourist trap on the Sea. You would find me at Pebble Beach or Carmel if I were one of these guys.


I decided to mix in a picture of me at my new condo that I talked about in my last blog. I told you I need decorating help.


Finally, I posted a picture the gifts my Mama brought me back. These are "Welcome Kitties" from Chinatown. When they hold up their paws it supposed to signify virtuous things like prosperity and good luck. That's a nice sentiment but what if you are a kitty that is not welcoming? There are quite a few of us, trust me I'm a cat so I should know. I think they should sell "Piss Off Kitties" or "Get the hell out of here kitties". Just think the other side needs to be told. That's all.

Bono's Blog 3/5

Happy March everyone. No much has been going on in my world. Except for one little thing....I got my own place!! I'm on my own now. We'll sort of. I moved into the top shelf of my Mama's closet which is pretty much like having my own place. Her and my Dad are there for brief periods in the morning but that's about it. And I'm up high enough to where they really don't disturb me. Also, it takes some creative thinking and a pretty good jump to get up there. This keeps Carty out of my hair because he is not creative enough to figure out where to jump from and even if he did figure it out, the girth of his ass prevents him from even being capable of doing it. It's working out really well. I still go over to my Mama's to eat,go the restroom and the occasional visit, but that's about it. I having a hard time deciding how I want to decorate it. All I have now is just a TV, night stand and a lava lamp. I've been watching some of those shows on the Home and Garden network where they decorate rooms and houses. There's about a dozen or so of these shows and they all have different names but they're all pretty much the same. Design on a Dime, Find your Style, Decorating Sense, Free Style, Designed to Sell, Designed to Get you Laid. Ok, I made that last one up, but that's the one I really need. What's the point of moving out if it's not going to improve your romantic life. Anyway, none the previously mentioned shows are really helping me out with my decor issues. Most of the shows show some couple that has more money than they know what to do with and they drop around thirty grand to redo one freakin room. How does that help me? Even on Design on a "Dime" they have around a thousand bucks to throw around. I'm working on a much smaller budget here people. If anybody has any resources or ideas on how to decorate the top shelf of a closet I'm all ears. I'll let you know how it goes.....Late, Bon.