Bono's Blog #2 wanted

The other day my Mama was talking about some initiative at her work where everybody was to supposed to identify their #2 person. Or in others words somebody to take over for them when they move on to bigger and better things. Or get fired I suppose. I love corporate initatives like this. Every company does them. They change every few years and often get recycled. My dad works at Wells Fargo where their current thing is something called "Run it like you own it". Which is code for "The real estate market sucks and were cutting cost so we don't have to lay your ass off". They cut all the little perks like X-mas partys and lunches. The one before this was called the "Six-Sigma" initiative. This was stolen from Jack Welch(Former GE CEO). Nobody quite knew what this initiative was or if it worked, but it made upper mangment feel important so it was considered a success. That's what's so cool about these things. They don't even have to work but they make everybody feel a little bit better about themselves and make them feel like have a little more control over things than they really do. Anyway it got me to thinking that I need a #2 individual. I say individual because it can be any type of species. I don't leave this open to just cats. I brought this up to my Mama and she instantly said it should be my Dad or Carty. First of all I found it pretty arrogant of her that she assumed that she was already a #1 and she could not be my #2(Yes, I see the irony in me assuming I'm already a #1 also). Second, there will be snow in Vegas in July before I would consider my Dad or Carty. I would never let either one of those dim wits take over for me. Your probalby asking "Bono, you're a freaking house cat. What do you actually do?". That's my point, none of you understand what it takes for me to run this household. There is alot more to being a house cat than taking a half dozen naps a day. But I do need to find somebody to take over for me when I decide to retire. Which, now that I have my own place I'm thinking doing sooner than I was planning before. The stock market does needs to pick up for me to get there though, my IRA has taken a dump the last couple quarters. If you are intersted send me your resume. Here is what I'm looking for.

An experianced, energetic, professional, outgoing intorvert, perky(college cheerleader perky not male stewardess perky), realiable self starter, ambitious, but not so ambitous that you'll stab me in the back to take my job, confident, but not complete A-hole confident, flexable(both timewise and physically), bilingual(spanish, I don't want to hear from idoits that think speaking German is a valuable tool in America),open minded, cat person, can make a half decent cup of coffee, proficient in Microsoft Office suites, not calling in every other Monday is a must, can hold your liquor, only call-in when you are legimately sick(this means thowing up or you have the shits, headaches and coughs don't count), no funny accents, don't spend half your day texting your friends, do not expect any type of recognition on your birthday(b-days are like assholes, everybody has one), the ability to lift 50lbs, being single and hot does not hurt. If this is you and you ready to work in a intense fast paced environment send me your resume and salery requirements, that you're a not going to get. Look forward to hearing from you.