Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had as much fun as I did. Myself, Carty and a few buddys really tied one on for New Year's eve. The new picture I posted is me at roughly 4am New Year's day, at least that's what I'm told. I don't really remember. FYI, Patron and Purina Indoor Formula don't mix.......In my last blog I asked Jesus to forgive my language in my blogs. I went back and read them again and figured I better ask for forgiveness for the sexual innuendo, gambling references and the overall judgmental tone included in my previous blogs also.....Now that's out of the way, I'm in the mood for some more of it. You might notice the picture that says "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke". This is a slogan used by Big Dog's. For those of you not from Vegas, Big Dog's is a Vegas style pub. A Vegas style pub is basically a combination of a bar, restaurant and gambling parlor(mostly video poker). Big Dog's actually has billboards with this saying posted around town. Clearly with a saying like this, the establishment is geared toward men. What gets me about this is how direct it is. There is no subtlety what so ever. It plays toward nearly every vice that males are attracted to. All of the things mentioned in the sign done in excess is dangerous. I wonder if this sign would go over in any other city in America? Although the sign does not appeal to every male desire it's pretty close. If the sign read "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke. Jerk off and take a nap" then I think it would be complete. If anybody can get a business together that cab pull this off(no pun intended)could really make some cash......I mentioned before that I lost my allowance this month betting on football. Tony Romo is really killing me. I won betting on the Cowboys all year. Then he started dating Jessica Simpson and it all went to hell. First Nick, now Tony. Who will she ruin next? I saw that Justin Timberlake just broke up with Camron Diaz, that's who I would put my money on. If I had any left....Since I brought up football, my dad and Carty were a little down earlier this month because their fantasy football teams lost. I don't play(at least not yet). I use a little more discretion in where I direct my fantasies. However, I watched them close enough to see how addictive fantasy football is. Football in general is great. There are two things the vast majority of men in America are obsessed with. That is football and/or cars. I think if you are an American heterosexual male and you don't love one off these two things you should be put on a terrorist watch list. Seriously. Dick Cheney should be tapping your phones. You have zero business in this country if you don't like one of these two things. I think it should be a federal requirement that all non-gay males should part-off a fantasy football and/or a fantasy NASCAR league. This would cover the entire year with some overlap. Football goes from September to the next February. NASCAR goes from February to November. What's great about this is that you can't fake it. Real football fans and gear heads can spot fakes from a mile away. Leagues would be formed randomly with people in your same city, so potential terrorist cannot form their own league. I would make it a requirement to meet your other league members at least once every 2 weeks. Kind of like AA. If some exchange student named Abu-Musab Hamdan is in your league and he is not hooked within a month or two you'll know he is up to some shenanigans. True American league members will catch this and report him to the authorities immediately. If he does get hooked he'll be spending hours on this crap. A bare minimum of 12 hours of watching football on weekends. Or he'll be refurbishing a '76 Mustang before you know it. He'll be blowing off prayer time at the Mosque on Monday nights. Our former Al-Quida member won't have time to plot any attacks. And he won't want to. He won't want to do anything that might disrupt the NFL season or scare up oil prices for his new gas guzzler. I'm telling you this would work. What about gay terrorist? Free cover at every techno dance club in the USA? Free Home and Garden television? I don't know. Do I have to think of everything?!.....Laters, Bono.
PS. If you are one to those people that tells people "See you next year!" when you are saying goodbye on 12/31 you are an idiot.
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