Bono's Blog 12/13

Hi again! For those that don't already know, I have a brother, Carty. I think his picure is on this site. He is the gray cat. He's been a little miffed that I didn't mention him in my first couple posts. The other day he requested that I give him a "shout out" on my next blog. By requesting a "shout out" he clearly has my new blogging hobby confused with me being a DJ for an FM hip-hop radio station. The last I checked those were the only people or cats that actually executed shout outs. When he first mentioned that this is what he wanted, I was expecting him to follow it up with a song dedication. I thought he was going to request that I dedicate "This is for La Raza" for his homies back in The Duke. None of you probably know what the last sentence means but trust me, it's funny. Well Carty, that was your shout out. Truth be told I can blog for days about Carty's antics. I could fill a few pages with just the crap he pulled this past weekend. Because of that I'll just fill you in periodically.

What I really want to get off my chest is this. When I was roughly 6 months old I was neutered. What really pisses me off about this is that human beings have the arrogance to deem me unworthy of reproduction. Who the hell do you think you are? I know in the Book of Genesis God says that man should rule over animals, but I think you are taking some liberties by hacking my nads off. I challange anybody to give me 5 ways people are better than cats. Bet you can't do it. What really made me come to this conclusion was the realization that human males have no idea how to treat a woman. Stick with me on this one. I was watching "To catch a preditor" the other night. I'm sure most of you have seen it. If you have not, the basic premise is this. Hidden cameras capture pedofiles confronted by a TV news man(Chris Hanson) after they are lured in over the internet by thinking they are going meet an underage girl. Next time you watch this you will notice that most of the guys are not dressed very nice and they often bring food and drinks with them. Usually it's somethink like a 4-pack of 32oz. Budwieser cans(only 3 are left because they knocked one down on the drive in) and quesedillas from Del Taco. Classy! Being pedofiles to start with, they surely have a lose screw or two, but lets be honest. Take your average non-pedofile male, tell him he is going to meet a beautiful 35 year-old professional female, more often that not you'll get the same character. Some moron showing up with a shirt with no sleeves, ball cap on backward, lukewarm beer and fast food. It's no wonder there are a bunch of idots trolling the internet for chicks. Their chances of getting laid through conventional means are almost none. But somehow they pull it off and are allowed to reproduce. Yet, I'm the one that got his nuts plucked off. Where is the justice in that? I know I'm bashing men quite a bit here. But ladies don't get to boastfull. Chances are you are married to or dating one of these goobers. You're having there children and repeating this vicious cycle. How do you treat a woman then? Here is what I usually do when I first meet up with one of my feline lady friends. Take a nice can of Purina Elegant Medelys(With a couple sylish bowls) and nice bottle of wine. Try the shredded salmon and whipped egg souffle with a nice California Cabernet if you get a chance, it's fantastic! Put on some Lionel Richie, maybe some after dinner nip. Another glass of vino or two. Then voila, the Bon-meister rounding third and headed for home. Then again, it's easy for me to say. I'm very difficult to resist.

One last thing. My Auntie Shiloh, my moms long time best friend. I won't say how long because you'll start doing math, then God forbid, you might figure out a woman's actual age! I bring this up because knowing Jen and her family so long, she should really know us better. She sent my Mom some fudge, which is to die for by the way, as a Christmas gift. Unfortunalely is was only like 5 pieces. My mom opended the container in the kitchen and started eating it while walking to the living room. By the time she sat down it was all gone. She should know this family much better. I'm the only one that watches what I eat in the household. My Dad set records in college for eating chicken tacos. He took me to Makino(all you can eat sushi) once. He ate 4lbs of raw tuna. He would have been more but I asked him to stop because was embarrasing me. The other customers were starting to point. My brother will literaly eat anything. I mean anything. Eats carpet regularly. No, not like Ellen or Melissa Etheredge eat carpet(I know that's what you were thinking, sickos). He eats flooring, he snacks on Stainmaster. So the moral is, if you send this family food, take what you think is the proper amount and multiply it by 20.....Until next time, Bono.