Bono's Blog 4/24

For the third time in the last week I've been surprised by people being surprised by animals acting like, well animals. If you remember a week ago a giant grizzly bear attacked his trainer. At the end of the week a shark attacked a swimmer in you would not believe where...that's right the ocean! People seem to be surprised by that. And finally my brother took whiz on the floor next to his litter. In each of these cases all parties involved seem genuinely surprised when it happened. First of all, is there really a need to train a big ole freaking grizzly? The bear recently appeared in Will Farrel's latest movie. You know, the one that is just like the prior twelve movies he made. Apparently this bear was quite the actor, so you humans felt the need to keep him caged up till his next project came along. How many rolls can there possibly be in Hollywood for grizzly bears? Was he reviewing scrips and working with his agent on picking his next roll? I guess now that he killed his trainer they are considering euthanizing him. So there going to end Brando's career just as it's getting on track? That's a great idea. Kill the poor guy for behaving like exactly what he is. In an article I was reading about the incident, it said they were going to decide what to do with the bear after an investigation. What exactly is there to investigate? Do they think their might have been a second bear that framed the accused bear so he can pickup all his movie roles? I think they should check him into a rehab facility like all the other Hollywood actors......On our second incident there was a shark attack off the coast of San Diego. Judging by the news coverage it got, you would have thought this was the first in a wave coordinated attacks by sharks across the nation. I hear when President Bush heard about it, he gave a blank stare for seven minutes before deciding(based on the always sound advice of Dick Cheany) on sending in thousands of no bid contractors in to the Atlantic Ocean to get the shark. They'll be looking for him as long as it takes. On our tax dollar of course. Stay the course! Hillary said she came under attack by the shark also. Then later said she really wasn't. She was tired and miss remembered the whole thing(Bono's Blog "Fair and Balanced"). It was the lead story on every news web site. The water was very clear that day and helicopters were able to track the shark by air. It was like the O.J. chase. He even had a buddy swimming along with him. No, it was not Al Cowlings. A number of reports called the attack "unprovoked". I'm no oceanographer but I'm almost positive you don't need to talk shit to a Great White Shark for him to attack your ass. These guys are the bad asses of the sea. They do pretty much what they want, provoked or not......And finally, my Mama was shocked because on Friday, for the second time in a week and a half Carty missed the litter and took a piss on the floor. Not sure why she was surprised. She cleans the toilet Dad takes a leak in. It's not like he's a master marksman. Now Carty catches flack getting a little on floor. I bash Carty quite a bit on this blog but I have to defend him here. Where is the equity? Also, if you don't have a penis you just don't understand. They can be tricky suckers at times. There are allot of factors that could cause you to miss. You could be tired, drunk, have morning wood or some sort of combination of the previous mentioned items. We need to give Carty a break this time....That's all for now. Tune in later in the week for my Kentucky Derby picks.

Bono's Blog 4/21

Wow, it's almost been a month since I blogged? That can't be right. But I have been having my anger issues again so it probably has been that long. I've decided to get back to the original point of my blog, which is a way for me to channel my angst and anger. So I'm just going to let out. Here are a few of things that really piss me off, that I feel I need to get off my chest.....

Writer's block. Don't you hate it? This used to happen to me all the time in my English 101 class at CCSN. I usually overcame it by trying to work some sort of silly list in to whatever I was writing. But I'm a much better writter now and I don't do it anymore. But for some reason it still pisses me off.....I bit my cheek the other day. Man that freakin hurts. Then it swells up a little and you keep biting it for like a week. That pisses me off.......Fat guys that make rude comments about fat women. That pisses me off. I hear it all the time. It never seems to dawn on them they should drop a couple tons themselves before they start making comments. If you have bigger tits than %80 of all women you should probably keep your mouth shut.....On long road trips when you are out in the middle of no where the only radio station that comes in is the Spanish station. Why is that? It pisses me off. I remember experiencing this when we drove from Albuquerque to Vegas. My mom's car at the time did not have a CD player. It was 2004, things were different back then. Driving through rural Arizona, no English stations came in but Los Tigres Del Norte were jamming loud and clear. NASA screws around with a remote control car on Mars but I can get a decent radio station in Winslow?.......People that have a secret recipe or a secret ingredient in a recipe. This pisses me off. You see this all the time on the Food Network. They go into some factory where they make frozen corn dogs and some jack-ass with a hair net on says there is one ingredient that they can't divulge. God forbid one of there competitors gets a hold of it and they lose their strangle hold on the lucrative frozen corn dog market. Like anybody cares. They'll be manufactured in China soon enough so there's no point in keeping a secret. You also see this same phenomenon with these goobers that own some greasy spoon in the Midwest, where they don't want to give up what they put in Grandma's Chili recipe. How do we know it's not dog food or something?.....Do you know what also pisses me off? When people on either side of the political isle pretend they are offended and outraged when somebody on the other side says or does something stupid. Any Republican that says thay were really upset with Bill getting a BJ from Monica is lying. I believe this ranks among the greatest moments in the history of the GOP. In fact, people make careers(Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Keith Olbermann, Bill Mahar, just to name a few) out of sitting around and waiting for people on the other side to say or do something stupid so they can ramble about. What an easy job. Where can I land a gig like that? I'll pretend to be conservative if you pay me for it.....And last but not least. The timeshare people on the strip. These people REALLY piss me off. The last time I went down there it took all my will power not to kick one of these jokers right in the nuts. One of these guys asked me for my room number? I don't swing that way but if did, do I really look that cheap and easy? It would take a lot more than free tickets to "Stomp out loud" to get into my pants. If I wore pants. And is it to much to ask for these people to remember a face? You can enter and exit a hotel at the same entrance and the same jerk-off will come running up to you asking "where are you from?", "what hotel are you staying at?". My answer is the same as when you asked me two hours ago you freakin idiot. Don't you remember? I'm a freakin cat!!.