Bono's Best of Vegas 08

It's that time of year again. Award shows, year end reviews. I love them. So much so I have developed my own. This is the 3rd Annual Bono's Best of Vegas list. Yeah, I know I've only been blogging for about six weeks, but I've been keeping a mental list for three years now. I unveil it to my self in early January every year. No! This is not a rip off of the Las Vegas Review-Journal's Best of Las Vegas. I had the Best of Albuquerque list before I even moved here. Besides the RJ's list really sucks. They are incredibly lazy. For example their best seafood restaurant is Red Lobster. Wow! How long did it take to come up with that one? The best place to get meal under $10 is Applebee's. You have to be kidding me. How many places did they actually sample? If the category was the best place to give you the Hershey squirts, Applebee's might be the winner, but it is certainly not the best place to get a meal under $10. Here is partial list of Bono's Best, my full list is pretty much infinite so if you want know a specific category that is not listed here let me know.

BEST PLACE TO GET A MEAL UNDER $10: CJ'S BAR-B-QUE. It's a new place near Sahara and Jones. You can get a 1/4 pork, brisket or turkey for $4. They give you the bread to make a great sandwich. Hell of alot better than McDonalds or the a fore mentioned Applebee's

BEST PLACE TO GET HAMMERED FOR CHEAP: ELLIS ISLAND CASINO. You can get a beer for like a buck. Try the ribs while you are there. Have your Mace ready while you are walking through the parking lot. This displaced last years winner which was any Martin-Harris construction function. The booze really flows at these things, but they can be difficult to get into. So they are 2nd place this year.

BEST PLACE TO SHOP IN GREEN VALLEY: ANTHROPOLOGY. Did I spell that right? My Mom told me to put that on here.

BEST CRABCAKE: VIC AND ANTHONY'S AT THE GOLDEN NUGGET. Pricey, but they are worth it.

BEST PLACE TO LICK YOUR SELF: BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. You didn't think I was going to keep this list serious, did you?

BEST LOCAL ARTIST:CINDY DEAN. Her link is this page. Check it out. Her husband Terry, also won in the Best Mechanic catagory and Best Dale Earnhardt mustach catagory.

BEST PLACE TO GET LEGAL PORN FROM AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT:THE CORNER OF FLAMINGO AND LAS VEGAS BLVD. I wonder if the people that hand out those little cards have to interview for the position. Do you take a resume with you?

BEST PLACE TO GET CAT TREATS:THE LUSH PUPPY AT MANDALAY BAY. You wouldn't think a place with the word puppy in it would work for cats but it does. If you go there, tell them you know me and ask for the Kitty Kaviar.

BEST PLACE TO GET FREE STARBUCKS COFFEE: FLETCHER JONES MERCEDES. If your in the area in the AM just park in the regular lot. Go to the service building. They have a mini-Starbucks inside. The fru-fru drinks cost money but the regular coffee is free. They don't know your car is not being serviced. They give me coffee and I'm a freakin cat.

BEST PLACE TO STOP TRYING TO REVITALIZE: DOWNTOWN. The place is just a plain dive. It always will be. Can't we just accept it and move on. It seems to me the people down there are perfectly fine with the dankness and smell of urine. Just leave it alone already.

BEST LOCAL ARTIST THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY ART: JENNIFER GABALDON.

BEST PLACE TO SPOT CELEBS:I DON'T KNOW. If you actually consciously go somewhere to spot celebs you are a loser.

BEST PLACE TO FART WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING:DOWNTOWN. See comments on Best Place to stop trying to revitalize. I bet the RJ's list does not have a farting catagory.

BEST PLACE TO TAKE KIDS IF YOU ARE A TOURIST:ORLANDO. If you bring kids to Vegas you are jackass. Am I the only one annoyed by people that are pushing strollers on the strip? Who thinks it a good idea to drag their children through a casino full of smoke, drunks and women showing %90 of their racks? I'm not one to be a moralist but even I have my limits.

BEST PLACE TO HIDE FROM VISITORS:UNDER MY MAMA'S BED.

BEST PLACE TO TAKE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES:BACK TO MCCARREN AIRPORT.

That's all for now. I was going to have a reader's choice poll like the RJ does, but this site only has like three readers so it seemed like an exercise in futility. If anybody has their own favorites please share. Until next time. Bon.

Bono's Blog 1/4

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had as much fun as I did. Myself, Carty and a few buddys really tied one on for New Year's eve. The new picture I posted is me at roughly 4am New Year's day, at least that's what I'm told. I don't really remember. FYI, Patron and Purina Indoor Formula don't mix.......In my last blog I asked Jesus to forgive my language in my blogs. I went back and read them again and figured I better ask for forgiveness for the sexual innuendo, gambling references and the overall judgmental tone included in my previous blogs also.....Now that's out of the way, I'm in the mood for some more of it. You might notice the picture that says "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke". This is a slogan used by Big Dog's. For those of you not from Vegas, Big Dog's is a Vegas style pub. A Vegas style pub is basically a combination of a bar, restaurant and gambling parlor(mostly video poker). Big Dog's actually has billboards with this saying posted around town. Clearly with a saying like this, the establishment is geared toward men. What gets me about this is how direct it is. There is no subtlety what so ever. It plays toward nearly every vice that males are attracted to. All of the things mentioned in the sign done in excess is dangerous. I wonder if this sign would go over in any other city in America? Although the sign does not appeal to every male desire it's pretty close. If the sign read "Eat. Drink. Play. Smoke. Jerk off and take a nap" then I think it would be complete. If anybody can get a business together that cab pull this off(no pun intended)could really make some cash......I mentioned before that I lost my allowance this month betting on football. Tony Romo is really killing me. I won betting on the Cowboys all year. Then he started dating Jessica Simpson and it all went to hell. First Nick, now Tony. Who will she ruin next? I saw that Justin Timberlake just broke up with Camron Diaz, that's who I would put my money on. If I had any left....Since I brought up football, my dad and Carty were a little down earlier this month because their fantasy football teams lost. I don't play(at least not yet). I use a little more discretion in where I direct my fantasies. However, I watched them close enough to see how addictive fantasy football is. Football in general is great. There are two things the vast majority of men in America are obsessed with. That is football and/or cars. I think if you are an American heterosexual male and you don't love one off these two things you should be put on a terrorist watch list. Seriously. Dick Cheney should be tapping your phones. You have zero business in this country if you don't like one of these two things. I think it should be a federal requirement that all non-gay males should part-off a fantasy football and/or a fantasy NASCAR league. This would cover the entire year with some overlap. Football goes from September to the next February. NASCAR goes from February to November. What's great about this is that you can't fake it. Real football fans and gear heads can spot fakes from a mile away. Leagues would be formed randomly with people in your same city, so potential terrorist cannot form their own league. I would make it a requirement to meet your other league members at least once every 2 weeks. Kind of like AA. If some exchange student named Abu-Musab Hamdan is in your league and he is not hooked within a month or two you'll know he is up to some shenanigans. True American league members will catch this and report him to the authorities immediately. If he does get hooked he'll be spending hours on this crap. A bare minimum of 12 hours of watching football on weekends. Or he'll be refurbishing a '76 Mustang before you know it. He'll be blowing off prayer time at the Mosque on Monday nights. Our former Al-Quida member won't have time to plot any attacks. And he won't want to. He won't want to do anything that might disrupt the NFL season or scare up oil prices for his new gas guzzler. I'm telling you this would work. What about gay terrorist? Free cover at every techno dance club in the USA? Free Home and Garden television? I don't know. Do I have to think of everything?!.....Laters, Bono.


PS. If you are one to those people that tells people "See you next year!" when you are saying goodbye on 12/31 you are an idiot.

Happy New Year!!

Hello everyone! Happy New Year! 2007 was not a good year for our family so i am declaring that 2008 will be our year. Our family christmas was wonderful. We had a house full of people and really had a good time. Bono and Carti on the other hand were a little upset that they had to share their rooms. Here is a picture of our nephew JR or Junebug as he is usually referred to. Yes, he is a stuffed monkey!!
We usually dont put up a big christmas tree even though i love them because Carti will eat the ribbons and probably just about everything on the tree so we use this vintage jewelry tree that my grandma made a very long time ago.
I just love it! Especially being a jewelry artist it just means that much more to me. So since we didnt have a big tree we all went down to the strip and saw the tree at the Bellagio. They have a new theme every year and it is always gorgeous. This year actually wasn't my favorite but it was still nice. It is fun to see but i dont recommend going to the strip any time near Christmas! It is extremely packed.

This was our first Christmas without my dad. It was hard but we all held up much better than i thought. Just knowing that he is in heaven and that we will see him again gives us so much comfort. I love this picture of him, i am not sure what year it was taken though. He is so handsome! The little bunny egg cup was made by my grandma.
My brother and sister in law spoiled all of us for christmas, they just seem to know what presents will be perfect for everyone. And we are not easy to shop for. My sweet little brother even braved the cold and crowds on black friday and stood in line at 4:30 am to buy me a GPS system for my car. He is such a good brother!

On another subject...has anyone noticed the price of food lately? I went to the grocery store today and everything was so expensive and really no sale items. It was all a little picked over too in the produce area but that is another story. Anyway food prices have seemed to be on the rise and not just at the grocery store, restaurants too. The other day i went to the mall for lunch and one of the girls paid over $9 for a hot dog, fries and a drink. I guess it is just the cheapskate in me that is upset over this. I was so mad when i came home today. Oh, I almost forgot, i wanted to show a picture of my charm bracelet because i love it! Each charm has a meaning and memory for me. The one that has xoxo on it was my anniversary present this year. It took 11 years but i finally got my husband to go to Tiffany's by himself with no suggestions from me. Of course he will probably read this and vow to not do it again but thats ok. I was so surprised and it was the perfect gift. He says it was like that one commercial where the guy is in a gas station and just grabs a card without looking at it and the girl gushes over it and cant believe how "sensitive" he is. He told me he was in there all of about 3 minutes. But i dont care in my imagination he poured over the cases to find just the right piece!

Bono's Blog 12/25

Merry Christmas everyone! We have quite a few visitors at my house. I don't like visitors. For the better part of the last two days I've been hidding out. In fact I'm typing this in the middle of the night, under the cover of darkness, while they are sleeping, so I'll have to be quick. You're probably reading this after Christmas. I hope your holiday went well. I read this quote from Winston Churchill the other day "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". Keep this in mind when you think back to all the crappy gifts you got this year. That's what I think about when I get the same bag of toys from Petsmart every year. The stuff we get from our loved ones the other 364 days a year are much better than whatever over priced gift we got on X-Mas. Answer this as quickly as you can. What did you get for X-Mas 3 years ago? Probably took you a while to remember, if you remembered at all. That's my point. I'm giving my mom extra love for the next year for X-Mas. I know that is really sappy, but I don't care what you think. Plus I lost my allowance betting on football this month so I didn't have many options. Also, I'd like to wish Jesus a happy birthday. I doubt he reads this blog. But just in case I appologize for the salty language in my previous blogs and my future posts.

I've been doing a little research. It turns out that the guys who developed our modern calender back in the 16th century basically made and educated guess back to the exact birth date of Christ. So we really don't know what his exact age is. My question is, do you think it would be inpolite to ask Jesus what his real age is when I get to heaven? I know I should be on the safe side and not ask, but I'm a cat and we're just so darn curious. I don't know if I'll be able to help my self. If anybody knows any scripture or such that might help me out, let me know.....Feliz Navidad. El Bono.

Bono's Blog 12/13

Hi again! For those that don't already know, I have a brother, Carty. I think his picure is on this site. He is the gray cat. He's been a little miffed that I didn't mention him in my first couple posts. The other day he requested that I give him a "shout out" on my next blog. By requesting a "shout out" he clearly has my new blogging hobby confused with me being a DJ for an FM hip-hop radio station. The last I checked those were the only people or cats that actually executed shout outs. When he first mentioned that this is what he wanted, I was expecting him to follow it up with a song dedication. I thought he was going to request that I dedicate "This is for La Raza" for his homies back in The Duke. None of you probably know what the last sentence means but trust me, it's funny. Well Carty, that was your shout out. Truth be told I can blog for days about Carty's antics. I could fill a few pages with just the crap he pulled this past weekend. Because of that I'll just fill you in periodically.

What I really want to get off my chest is this. When I was roughly 6 months old I was neutered. What really pisses me off about this is that human beings have the arrogance to deem me unworthy of reproduction. Who the hell do you think you are? I know in the Book of Genesis God says that man should rule over animals, but I think you are taking some liberties by hacking my nads off. I challange anybody to give me 5 ways people are better than cats. Bet you can't do it. What really made me come to this conclusion was the realization that human males have no idea how to treat a woman. Stick with me on this one. I was watching "To catch a preditor" the other night. I'm sure most of you have seen it. If you have not, the basic premise is this. Hidden cameras capture pedofiles confronted by a TV news man(Chris Hanson) after they are lured in over the internet by thinking they are going meet an underage girl. Next time you watch this you will notice that most of the guys are not dressed very nice and they often bring food and drinks with them. Usually it's somethink like a 4-pack of 32oz. Budwieser cans(only 3 are left because they knocked one down on the drive in) and quesedillas from Del Taco. Classy! Being pedofiles to start with, they surely have a lose screw or two, but lets be honest. Take your average non-pedofile male, tell him he is going to meet a beautiful 35 year-old professional female, more often that not you'll get the same character. Some moron showing up with a shirt with no sleeves, ball cap on backward, lukewarm beer and fast food. It's no wonder there are a bunch of idots trolling the internet for chicks. Their chances of getting laid through conventional means are almost none. But somehow they pull it off and are allowed to reproduce. Yet, I'm the one that got his nuts plucked off. Where is the justice in that? I know I'm bashing men quite a bit here. But ladies don't get to boastfull. Chances are you are married to or dating one of these goobers. You're having there children and repeating this vicious cycle. How do you treat a woman then? Here is what I usually do when I first meet up with one of my feline lady friends. Take a nice can of Purina Elegant Medelys(With a couple sylish bowls) and nice bottle of wine. Try the shredded salmon and whipped egg souffle with a nice California Cabernet if you get a chance, it's fantastic! Put on some Lionel Richie, maybe some after dinner nip. Another glass of vino or two. Then voila, the Bon-meister rounding third and headed for home. Then again, it's easy for me to say. I'm very difficult to resist.

One last thing. My Auntie Shiloh, my moms long time best friend. I won't say how long because you'll start doing math, then God forbid, you might figure out a woman's actual age! I bring this up because knowing Jen and her family so long, she should really know us better. She sent my Mom some fudge, which is to die for by the way, as a Christmas gift. Unfortunalely is was only like 5 pieces. My mom opended the container in the kitchen and started eating it while walking to the living room. By the time she sat down it was all gone. She should know this family much better. I'm the only one that watches what I eat in the household. My Dad set records in college for eating chicken tacos. He took me to Makino(all you can eat sushi) once. He ate 4lbs of raw tuna. He would have been more but I asked him to stop because was embarrasing me. The other customers were starting to point. My brother will literaly eat anything. I mean anything. Eats carpet regularly. No, not like Ellen or Melissa Etheredge eat carpet(I know that's what you were thinking, sickos). He eats flooring, he snacks on Stainmaster. So the moral is, if you send this family food, take what you think is the proper amount and multiply it by 20.....Until next time, Bono.

Bono's Blog 12/6

It's holiday season, most years I can't wait for Christmas to get here. December can't move fast enough. The other night that changed. I saw and add for American Idol. I starts again on 1/15. I can't stand this show! Now I hope the month drags on. The butchering of music made by people with actual talent is bad enough, but that's not what I dislike most about the show. What really gets me are fans of the show. Judging by the ratings there are millions of you. I'm convinced there is something in the DNA of you humans which gives all of you the illusion that you can sing. You can't hide from it, it everywhere. I bet you all know one, it might be the band leader at your church or the friend you get tanked up with at Happy Hour every Friday, but you know at least one person who thinks they can really sing. This show has given tham all hope. They should change the name to "American Ahol". This is only fed by the spread of karaoke. My Grandpa owns a dive bar in Albuquerque. It used to be a reputable place. A place where alcholics would gather and the only entertainment needed was a 16 inch television with some sporting event they no doubt bet whatever money that had left that was not already spent on smokes and booze. Now the place has been contaminated by the poison that is karaoke. Patrons still do all the stuff they did before, but now that also see fit to belt out a full rendition of "Sweet Caroline" for all the public to witness while they do it. It has completely killed the ambiace of the place. As you read this there are drunks across the country with pickled livers singing inchoherant versions of classics by Skynard or Otis Redding, all fed by the American Idol craze. Good Help us! But if Paula goes bonkers again this year, somebody tell me right away.

I wanted to quickly touch on politics. For the record I lean left on most issues. I guess you can say I'm a south paw. Get it? Paw!! I have not decided who to vote for yet in the primary. How does a cat vote you ask? I found a precinct in Chigago that lets me vote as an absentee. As many times as I want to. But has anybody caught the size of Hillary's ass lately? It gigantic. I have to believe this is a tactic to gain black/hispanic male voters. Very shrewed. It'll be interesting to see how Obama and Edwards will counter this. Also, I pulled up Clinton inaguration footage on You Tube. Her ass was not nearly as big then. If she had the po-dunka-dunk she has now back on '95-'96, Slick Willie might not have needed to sneak chubby interns into the Oval Office. He whould have has what he was looking for right at home. It could have changed the course of hisory. That's all for now.....Bono out.

Bono's Blog

If you don't alreay know me I'm Jen's cat(my picture is on this site somewhere). It's kind of weird to say Jen. I usually refer to her has mom or mama. My name is Bono(pronounced Bawn-no)not Bo-no as in Sonny Bono, like most people mistakingly pronounce it. If I hear another "I've got you babe" joke somebody is getting a claw across their forehead. When I was first adopted I was not big on being named after some whiny Irish rock star, but I didn't have much of a say in the matter. But it's grown on me and now I'm a big fan. Anyway, your probably wondering what the hell is a cat doing blogging. Well here is your answer. Jen is the only person in the world that I like, which means I carry around a bit of anger and angst. It has become a problem lately. I've been irritable and grouchy and having a litte trouble sleeping. I have only been getting 12-14 hours lately. I saw Jen doing this blogging thing and it occured to me, what a better way to channel this angst and anger!! So in the future I will be posting my views of the world. Nothing will be off limits. Sure I'll comment on regular feline interest, like sleeping, scratching and liking my self. However, I will venture into politcs, religion, sports, popular culture, unpopular culture(if the hit counter on this site is any indication this blog falls into the unpopular culture catagory). Who knows, I may even chime in on arts and crafts. I hope you find it interesting. If you don't I don't really care. Also, if you are ever offended by my view of the world, that is your problem. Post comments or questions if you wish, be honest I can take it. I'll be posting again soon. Laters.