Bono's Derby Picks and other people's too.

The first Saturday in May is a big day in our household. Well except for my Mom. It's Kentucky Derby Day! I know none of you care, but I'm going to blog about it anyway. I'm not even going to try to explain why it's a big deal. If you don't get you just don't get it. It's kind of like the guys not being able to pee in the toilet/litter thing from my last blog. Horse racing used to be the most popular sport in this Country. Those days are long past but Myself, my Dad and Carty are pretty into it. A lot of people find people or cats betting on horses running in circles as mindless and shallow. They can think what they want but I don't find it anymore shallow than blowing money on a overpriced purse, a 60th pair of shoes or some other article of clothing that will go to waste in a closet. A couple years ago I paid money to watch a Keanu Reeves movie. I would have much better lost that money on a horse race. That's an $11.50 and 2 hours of my life I will never get back. Come to think of it I would have rather lost that money down a gutter. So that might not be the best example, but you get my point. And for those of you who think racing the horses might be cruel you probably own a whole bunch of stuff made out of cow skin. You know thay had to kill them 1st right? They don't wait for them to die from old age. Anyway, I wanted to touch on something before I make my picks. There are lots of methods to betting horses. My Dad and Carty are very analytical. They gather information and make choices based on that information. I do a little of that two, but I basically make my bets by gut feeling. I'm also a big believer in fate. I think everything happens for a reason. Not always a good reason, but a reason none the less. Yesterday I was looking at the horses entered in the Kentucky Oaks. The Oaks is kind of like the Kentucky Derby for girls. They run it the Friday before the Derby. The number 2 horse in the race is name Absolutely Cindy. I bring this up because Cindy Dean is one of my few loyal readers. I also thought it was cool because it was spelled correctly. One of my peeves is when people try to get too creative with name spelling these days. It's common to see Cindy spelled Sindy, Syndee. I guess parents think there cool if they needlessly change the spelling of their children's name. Like it's hard to do. I'm waiting to see names like Genahpher, Mykheal or Baughknow. We'll back to my story....Last week my Mama took Cindy on a "Food Adventure". Which meant eating in an exotic place like Chinatown in Vegas. What an adventure!! I thought seeing this horse's name might be fate. So I suggested to my Mama to have Cindy take a financial adventure and put a few bucks on Absolutely Cindy. Then my Mama told me that I should bet it for her. Which I'll do. I'm starting to think that big reason in this thing is for me to lose another horse race, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm putting $10 on her nose for you Cindy. She is a longshot so it will pay a pretty penny if she wins. If you win you have to donate some of it to the The New Scatching Post for Baughknow Fund. It's a great charitable organization.....Here is the field for the Derby.

1 1/4 Miles | Open | 3 Year Olds Stakes | Purse: $2,000,000

Prg. #
1 Cool Coal Man
2 Tale of Ekati
3 Anak Nakal
4 Court Vision
5 Eight Belles(F)
6 Z Fortune
7 Big Truck
8 Visionaire
9 Pyro
10 Colonel John
11 Z Humor
12 Smooth Air
13 Bob Black Jack
14 Monba
15 Adriano
16 Denis of Cork
17 Cowboy Cal
18 Recapturetheglory
19 Gayego
20 Big Brown

I mentioned before that the Kentucky Oaks is for girls, well the really good ones can run in the Derby. The horse with the (F) next to her name, Eight Belles, that means she is a Fillie and a good one, so she is running in the Derby.....Like I said I kind of pick from my gut so here are my top 4 picks, most of all I hope all the horses make it through safely.

1. Adriano
2. Big Brown
3. Eight Belles
4. Pyro

My Mama picked Tale of Ekati. The Ekati part of the name is from the name of a diamond mine in Canada. That's why she picked him.....here are Carty's and my Dad's picks. I don't know why they can't get their own blog. I stole this blog fair and square. But I'll be nice and put there picks on here.

Carty
1. Big Brown
2. Recapturetheglory
3. Gayego
4. Pyro

Dad
1. Colonel John
2. Big Brown
3. Z Fortune
4. Pyro

Good luck if you bet the race....Bon.

Bono's Blog 4/24

For the third time in the last week I've been surprised by people being surprised by animals acting like, well animals. If you remember a week ago a giant grizzly bear attacked his trainer. At the end of the week a shark attacked a swimmer in you would not believe where...that's right the ocean! People seem to be surprised by that. And finally my brother took whiz on the floor next to his litter. In each of these cases all parties involved seem genuinely surprised when it happened. First of all, is there really a need to train a big ole freaking grizzly? The bear recently appeared in Will Farrel's latest movie. You know, the one that is just like the prior twelve movies he made. Apparently this bear was quite the actor, so you humans felt the need to keep him caged up till his next project came along. How many rolls can there possibly be in Hollywood for grizzly bears? Was he reviewing scrips and working with his agent on picking his next roll? I guess now that he killed his trainer they are considering euthanizing him. So there going to end Brando's career just as it's getting on track? That's a great idea. Kill the poor guy for behaving like exactly what he is. In an article I was reading about the incident, it said they were going to decide what to do with the bear after an investigation. What exactly is there to investigate? Do they think their might have been a second bear that framed the accused bear so he can pickup all his movie roles? I think they should check him into a rehab facility like all the other Hollywood actors......On our second incident there was a shark attack off the coast of San Diego. Judging by the news coverage it got, you would have thought this was the first in a wave coordinated attacks by sharks across the nation. I hear when President Bush heard about it, he gave a blank stare for seven minutes before deciding(based on the always sound advice of Dick Cheany) on sending in thousands of no bid contractors in to the Atlantic Ocean to get the shark. They'll be looking for him as long as it takes. On our tax dollar of course. Stay the course! Hillary said she came under attack by the shark also. Then later said she really wasn't. She was tired and miss remembered the whole thing(Bono's Blog "Fair and Balanced"). It was the lead story on every news web site. The water was very clear that day and helicopters were able to track the shark by air. It was like the O.J. chase. He even had a buddy swimming along with him. No, it was not Al Cowlings. A number of reports called the attack "unprovoked". I'm no oceanographer but I'm almost positive you don't need to talk shit to a Great White Shark for him to attack your ass. These guys are the bad asses of the sea. They do pretty much what they want, provoked or not......And finally, my Mama was shocked because on Friday, for the second time in a week and a half Carty missed the litter and took a piss on the floor. Not sure why she was surprised. She cleans the toilet Dad takes a leak in. It's not like he's a master marksman. Now Carty catches flack getting a little on floor. I bash Carty quite a bit on this blog but I have to defend him here. Where is the equity? Also, if you don't have a penis you just don't understand. They can be tricky suckers at times. There are allot of factors that could cause you to miss. You could be tired, drunk, have morning wood or some sort of combination of the previous mentioned items. We need to give Carty a break this time....That's all for now. Tune in later in the week for my Kentucky Derby picks.

Bono's Blog 4/21

Wow, it's almost been a month since I blogged? That can't be right. But I have been having my anger issues again so it probably has been that long. I've decided to get back to the original point of my blog, which is a way for me to channel my angst and anger. So I'm just going to let out. Here are a few of things that really piss me off, that I feel I need to get off my chest.....

Writer's block. Don't you hate it? This used to happen to me all the time in my English 101 class at CCSN. I usually overcame it by trying to work some sort of silly list in to whatever I was writing. But I'm a much better writter now and I don't do it anymore. But for some reason it still pisses me off.....I bit my cheek the other day. Man that freakin hurts. Then it swells up a little and you keep biting it for like a week. That pisses me off.......Fat guys that make rude comments about fat women. That pisses me off. I hear it all the time. It never seems to dawn on them they should drop a couple tons themselves before they start making comments. If you have bigger tits than %80 of all women you should probably keep your mouth shut.....On long road trips when you are out in the middle of no where the only radio station that comes in is the Spanish station. Why is that? It pisses me off. I remember experiencing this when we drove from Albuquerque to Vegas. My mom's car at the time did not have a CD player. It was 2004, things were different back then. Driving through rural Arizona, no English stations came in but Los Tigres Del Norte were jamming loud and clear. NASA screws around with a remote control car on Mars but I can get a decent radio station in Winslow?.......People that have a secret recipe or a secret ingredient in a recipe. This pisses me off. You see this all the time on the Food Network. They go into some factory where they make frozen corn dogs and some jack-ass with a hair net on says there is one ingredient that they can't divulge. God forbid one of there competitors gets a hold of it and they lose their strangle hold on the lucrative frozen corn dog market. Like anybody cares. They'll be manufactured in China soon enough so there's no point in keeping a secret. You also see this same phenomenon with these goobers that own some greasy spoon in the Midwest, where they don't want to give up what they put in Grandma's Chili recipe. How do we know it's not dog food or something?.....Do you know what also pisses me off? When people on either side of the political isle pretend they are offended and outraged when somebody on the other side says or does something stupid. Any Republican that says thay were really upset with Bill getting a BJ from Monica is lying. I believe this ranks among the greatest moments in the history of the GOP. In fact, people make careers(Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Keith Olbermann, Bill Mahar, just to name a few) out of sitting around and waiting for people on the other side to say or do something stupid so they can ramble about. What an easy job. Where can I land a gig like that? I'll pretend to be conservative if you pay me for it.....And last but not least. The timeshare people on the strip. These people REALLY piss me off. The last time I went down there it took all my will power not to kick one of these jokers right in the nuts. One of these guys asked me for my room number? I don't swing that way but if did, do I really look that cheap and easy? It would take a lot more than free tickets to "Stomp out loud" to get into my pants. If I wore pants. And is it to much to ask for these people to remember a face? You can enter and exit a hotel at the same entrance and the same jerk-off will come running up to you asking "where are you from?", "what hotel are you staying at?". My answer is the same as when you asked me two hours ago you freakin idiot. Don't you remember? I'm a freakin cat!!.

Bono's Blog 3/31 Finally Some Art

Real Quiet

Fusaichi Pegasus

Affirmed

Top Row:Secretariat, Seattle Slew, Affirmed, Unbridled, Sunday Silence, Thunder Gulch
Bottom Row:Grindstone, Silver Charm, Real Quiet, Fusaichi Pegasus, Barbaro, Street Sense

Hey everyone! I'm back. It been a while and I have alot to get to. First of all it's spring time in Vegas! There are number of things that pop right into my head when I think of spring. Flowers blooming, Carty with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, NCAA basketball, wind, birds chirping, baseball, my Mama with allergies starts snoring and has boggers all the time, Easter and the Kentucky Derby. As you can see above with the help of my Dad we merged the last two to create a little bit of art. If you want to call it that. I'm sure some of you real artist view this in the same realm as a velvet painting. But I don't care, this is the best a couple no talent meatball males can come up with. And it's been some time since there has been some art on here. What you see is what we call the Derby Dozen. The eggs are colored in the same color schemes as the jockey silks of various Kentucky Derby winners. We picked the last three Triple Crown winners and the other nine are a few of our favorites over the years. Most of the creative thinking on the project was mine, but my Dad did most of the coloring. Holding eggs without thumbs is quite the task, as is typing. I posted a couple pictures of the actual horses so you have a frame of reference. They have their names above them. A little trivia on them, "Fusaichi" means #1 in Japanese. If you ever wondered what a $4,000,000 horse looks like, that's what Fusaichi Pegasus cost at public auction. The most ever for a Derby winner. And my Mama constantly complains how much I cost her. On the contrary, Real Quiet was the cheapest. $18,000. His owner earned his fortune by owning numerous McDonald's franchises. Hence red and gold color scheme...I'll use that as a segway to the next photo below which is some crazy taste test my Mama is conducting on Me and Carty. Rochelle convinced her that the Purina we've been eating is like feeding us McDonald's. I don't buy it. I think eating at McDonald's is like eating at McDonald's. Everything else is just a step up from there. Aside from the fries of course. Those things are more addictive than crack, which is why I stay away. Anyway, my Mama is planning on changing our food and she is trying to figure out which one of these foods we'll like best. It's not going to work. I've been ordering take out while she's at work.


Speaking of takeout. The LV Review Journal released their bogus Best of Las Vegas list. I'm pretty sure those jokers at the RJ have been reading my blog. They named CJ's Bar-b-cue the best bar-b-cue in Vegas. Go back to my list and I had them pegged 3 months ago. Also, Applebee's was nowhere to be found on their best meal for $10 or less. No, I really don't believe it's plagiarism. As the old saying goes, even a broken clock is right twice a day. I still think they are really lazy though. Get this, their best new restaurant(opened in 2007) was Buzz Bar-b-cue. But CJ's was also opened in 2007. How can that be? CJ's beat them in the bar-b-cue category but not new restaurant? Great job editor. Do you know who I delegate this task to with my list? Carty! That's right, my idiot carpet eating brother. I'm %100 certain he would have caught this error. And I have not even gotten through their whole list yet. I'm sure I'll find a few more oversights.

One last thing about spring. It also means tax time. I wanted to share a little something I came across when I was doing my Mama's taxes. Yup, I do taxes. I have an Associates in accounting from CCSN. Yeah, they let cats in. Actually I think the majority of CCSN graduates don't qualify as human. Their only admissions requirement is that your check or somebody Else's check clears(I believe they offer a course in identity theft help you with this).If you need last minute tax help I'm available for hire. $50 fee, plus %10 of your return. If I do your taxes you WILL get a return. While I was filling out my Mama's Schedule A, I stumbled across this gem from the US Government. The following paragraph is under the section of things you cannot deduct in regards to charitable donations

Travel expenses(including meals and lodging) while away from home, unless there was no significant element of personal pleasure, recreation, or vacation in travel.

So I guess you can deduct travel that you may do for charities as long as you don't get any pleasure from being charitable during your trip? If you are audited how can you prove this? How can the IRS prove this? Does this mean you also have to eat crappy meals and stay at sleazy motels if you travel for charity? What qualifies as a "significant element" of personal pleasure? So if you take a trip for cherity your itnerary must look like this. Fly Northwest Airlines to Detroit(Cleveland and El Paso are also acceptable), when you reach Detroit on your way out of the airport you must eat an $8 personal pizza that's been sitting on that little steel rack for 6 hours. You can't sit while you eat, you have shove it down on the way to baggage claim. Don't even thing about getting that little cart to help your transport your luggage. Rent a Ford any Ford. Stay at a Day's Inn where the Eastern Indian owner will completely jack up your reservation and bill. Trust me this will happen (this happened to my dad despite warnings from my Mama not to book there and let her take care of the reservation). With the added bonus of him smelling like urine. Then you have to take a cold shower and sleep with the window open in the winter(no AC if its summer). Then reverse the whole thing when you leave. And if you got even a little bit of pleasure helping those autistic kids don't even dare deduct your expenses.....I want to meet the guy that thinks these rules up.

Bono's Blog #2 wanted

The other day my Mama was talking about some initiative at her work where everybody was to supposed to identify their #2 person. Or in others words somebody to take over for them when they move on to bigger and better things. Or get fired I suppose. I love corporate initatives like this. Every company does them. They change every few years and often get recycled. My dad works at Wells Fargo where their current thing is something called "Run it like you own it". Which is code for "The real estate market sucks and were cutting cost so we don't have to lay your ass off". They cut all the little perks like X-mas partys and lunches. The one before this was called the "Six-Sigma" initiative. This was stolen from Jack Welch(Former GE CEO). Nobody quite knew what this initiative was or if it worked, but it made upper mangment feel important so it was considered a success. That's what's so cool about these things. They don't even have to work but they make everybody feel a little bit better about themselves and make them feel like have a little more control over things than they really do. Anyway it got me to thinking that I need a #2 individual. I say individual because it can be any type of species. I don't leave this open to just cats. I brought this up to my Mama and she instantly said it should be my Dad or Carty. First of all I found it pretty arrogant of her that she assumed that she was already a #1 and she could not be my #2(Yes, I see the irony in me assuming I'm already a #1 also). Second, there will be snow in Vegas in July before I would consider my Dad or Carty. I would never let either one of those dim wits take over for me. Your probalby asking "Bono, you're a freaking house cat. What do you actually do?". That's my point, none of you understand what it takes for me to run this household. There is alot more to being a house cat than taking a half dozen naps a day. But I do need to find somebody to take over for me when I decide to retire. Which, now that I have my own place I'm thinking doing sooner than I was planning before. The stock market does needs to pick up for me to get there though, my IRA has taken a dump the last couple quarters. If you are intersted send me your resume. Here is what I'm looking for.

An experianced, energetic, professional, outgoing intorvert, perky(college cheerleader perky not male stewardess perky), realiable self starter, ambitious, but not so ambitous that you'll stab me in the back to take my job, confident, but not complete A-hole confident, flexable(both timewise and physically), bilingual(spanish, I don't want to hear from idoits that think speaking German is a valuable tool in America),open minded, cat person, can make a half decent cup of coffee, proficient in Microsoft Office suites, not calling in every other Monday is a must, can hold your liquor, only call-in when you are legimately sick(this means thowing up or you have the shits, headaches and coughs don't count), no funny accents, don't spend half your day texting your friends, do not expect any type of recognition on your birthday(b-days are like assholes, everybody has one), the ability to lift 50lbs, being single and hot does not hurt. If this is you and you ready to work in a intense fast paced environment send me your resume and salery requirements, that you're a not going to get. Look forward to hearing from you.

Bono's Blog 3/12

My Mama got back from vacation earlier this week. She went to San Francisco. Or "The City" as San Franciscan's refer to it. Arrogant pricks. From now on I'm referring to it as Frisco just to piss them off. As soon as she got home she slathered me with slobbery kisses. Disgusting. I was happy to see her again but not that happy. If that wasn't bad enough she had pictures to show me. I like digital cameras but they are a mixed blessing. They save us from the annoying experience of dealing with the incompetent Wal-Mart employee behind the 1-hour photo counter, but yet the little screen on the back allows people to show your their pictures instantly. Anyway, I was bored to tears with her little slide show. I nodded off a couple times only to wake up to picture of Frisco Bay that I could have gotten off Wikipedia. Because I had to endure the boredom of a slide show don't think you won't have to. If you're still reading keep in mind that these are the ones that I found just interesting enough to include in my own blog. You can thank me now for having a blog. If I didn't my Mama would be using this space to post all the pictures....Well on with the show. The 1st one above is my favorite. This is an ill fated attempted by my Mama and Dad to take a picture of themselves in a mirror in the hall way of their hotel. Geniuses. I'm surprised they found their way back home. If that's not comedic enough check out the picture to the right. Ever since I started my blog I've been trying to think of a way to work in boobs. I actually got a bonus on this one. If your wondering why my Mama is staying in a hotel with pictures of completely nude women, you are not alone.


Here is a picture of Sea Lions at Pier 39 at Fisherman's Warf. Ugly creatures I must say. I question their intelligence also. They have all this land along the California coast and these things decide to hang around some over crowded tourist trap on the Sea. You would find me at Pebble Beach or Carmel if I were one of these guys.


I decided to mix in a picture of me at my new condo that I talked about in my last blog. I told you I need decorating help.


Finally, I posted a picture the gifts my Mama brought me back. These are "Welcome Kitties" from Chinatown. When they hold up their paws it supposed to signify virtuous things like prosperity and good luck. That's a nice sentiment but what if you are a kitty that is not welcoming? There are quite a few of us, trust me I'm a cat so I should know. I think they should sell "Piss Off Kitties" or "Get the hell out of here kitties". Just think the other side needs to be told. That's all.

Bono's Blog 3/5

Happy March everyone. No much has been going on in my world. Except for one little thing....I got my own place!! I'm on my own now. We'll sort of. I moved into the top shelf of my Mama's closet which is pretty much like having my own place. Her and my Dad are there for brief periods in the morning but that's about it. And I'm up high enough to where they really don't disturb me. Also, it takes some creative thinking and a pretty good jump to get up there. This keeps Carty out of my hair because he is not creative enough to figure out where to jump from and even if he did figure it out, the girth of his ass prevents him from even being capable of doing it. It's working out really well. I still go over to my Mama's to eat,go the restroom and the occasional visit, but that's about it. I having a hard time deciding how I want to decorate it. All I have now is just a TV, night stand and a lava lamp. I've been watching some of those shows on the Home and Garden network where they decorate rooms and houses. There's about a dozen or so of these shows and they all have different names but they're all pretty much the same. Design on a Dime, Find your Style, Decorating Sense, Free Style, Designed to Sell, Designed to Get you Laid. Ok, I made that last one up, but that's the one I really need. What's the point of moving out if it's not going to improve your romantic life. Anyway, none the previously mentioned shows are really helping me out with my decor issues. Most of the shows show some couple that has more money than they know what to do with and they drop around thirty grand to redo one freakin room. How does that help me? Even on Design on a "Dime" they have around a thousand bucks to throw around. I'm working on a much smaller budget here people. If anybody has any resources or ideas on how to decorate the top shelf of a closet I'm all ears. I'll let you know how it goes.....Late, Bon.